Forsaken
by Tara Kitaide
Summary: Ichigo had always loved Renji, he just could never tell him. Now Renji's gone and with his death comes a devious new plan and a dangerous new enemy. How can Ichigo win when the one he's fighting is the one he loves? Arrancar Renji, yaoi. RenIchi, RenGrim
1. The Death of My beloved

**Title: **Forsaken

**Author:** Tara Kitaide

**genre:** romance/angst/tragedy

**Pairing:** Ichigo/Renji

**Disclaimer: **Wouldn't it be so cool to own bleach? Unfortunately, I don't. If I did, there'd be hot yaoi smut every chapter.

**Warning: **Yaoi, language, fantasy violence

**Rating: **M for possible yaoi scenes

**Dedication: **To my fans! I love you all!

-/-/-/-

The look on Ichigo's face could be described only as sheer terror.

He watched helplessly as his red haired comrade fell before his eyes, that ridiculous long hair strewn across his face, a fountain of blood spewing from the long jagged gash reaching from the red head's waist to his neck. Ichigo watched as the man who had done this stood as calmly as ever, that fox-faced grin of his stretching from ear to ear. The man sheathed his sword slowly and turned his head to look at Renji who now lay dieing on the cool white floor.

"I'm done here." He said simply in his merry sing-song voice. He looked at Ichigo again who now knelled, his sword loosely in his hand, his eyes wide at the site of his friend's mangled body. Ichigo looked up momentarily, his eyes meeting the former capitan's.

Ichigo didn't know how it was possible, but the silver haired man's grin actually grew wider. He felt as something inside him snapped at this. Ichigo's eyes were replaced with rage as the grip on his sword tightened with new found resolve. He cried out as the man was turning to leave and lunged at him, stepping over his friend and swinging the long black sword through the air.

"DAMN YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!" Ichigo shouted. Gin gave a small "hmph" and turned his back, disappearing into pure darkness before Ichigo's sword could reach him. Ichigo stumbled forward a few steps when his sword didn't make contact and instead crashed into the ground, forcing the white tile to crack.

Ichigo breathed heavily. The wound on his shoulder had reopened and now stained the black coat like shihakushō red. Ichigo didn't care.

He thrust Tensa Zangetsu into the ground and leaned heavily against the blade for support. He cried out again, this time in sorrow and pain. He didn't want to look back, to see his friend, the one he loved, laying there cold and motionless. He didn't want to believe he was dead, didn't want to believe he was _gone_. That _Renji_ was _gone_.

"RENJI!!"

Ichigo's head snapped up at the sudden call of his friends name. He knew it was Rukia. He knew it was her, probably having just finished her own battle only to look over and see her best friend laying mangled in a pool of blood. He knew she would be running now, rushing to Renji's side and trying to get _some_ response from him. He also knew he should try to help her, and even though he didn't want to, he turned around slowly and walked to where Rukia knelled down next to Renji's body.

Ichigo walked around and knelled on the other side so he could face Renji too. He was surprised to find the shinigami grunting and coughing when he arrived. He was sure Renji was dead but it seemed like the loud mouth red head had a bit more life in him after all.

"Renji!" Rukia called again as she reached out to hold Renji's head in her hand. Renji wheezed and coughed some more before finding it within himself to formulate a response.

"H-Hey..." He chocked, his voice rough and cracked. He smiled weakly up at them and watched as Rukia's eyes narrowed in pain. "What's with you Rukia? Why are you--" He was cut off by another cough, this one shaking his whole body.

Ichigo and Rukia gasped.

Renji pulled his hands away from his mouth and gazed down at the blood that dripped from his fingers. Blood dripped from the corner of his mouth and Ichigo quickly wiped it away for him.

"Kurosaki...?" Renji muttered as best he could. "Didn't see ya there..." Renji tried best to chuckle but it turned into another cough and more worried glances from his two friends. "Stop lookin' like that." Renji muttered, his gaze drifting from Rukia to Ichigo. "I'm just fine."

"Bullshit Renji! Your dieing!" Rukia burst, tears filling her eyes. "Just hold on! We'll send for an emergency relief unit! We'll get you back! We'll fix you! We'll--!" Rukia broke off and buried her face in her hands as tears tumbled down her pail cheeks.

"H-Hey now... none of... that..." This time Renji's voice came out as barely a whisper. The words seemed to float through the air and ghost across Ichigo's skin. The boy clenched his eyes shut and shuddered. There was a lump building in his throat and he felt his heart sink as his eyes began to fill with tears. He forced them down and opened his eyes to face his friend. He refused to cry. Renji wasn't dead. Renji wasn't gone. As long as he held on Ichigo could too.

"Kurosaki."

Ichigo jumped when he heard his name called. He looked down at Renji, an unbearable sadness in his eyes. Renji frowned and met the boy's gaze, dark red swirling with chocolate brown.

"Yes?" Ichigo squeaked, his voice slow and sad.

Renji let a small sad smile cross his lips. He brought up a hand which Ichigo grasped and held desperately on to. Ichigo brought his friend's hand to his chest and tightened his grip, afraid to let go. He couldn't take this. It was all so unbearable.

Ichigo looked down at Renji's blooded face a knew. Knew this was the last time he would see him, speak to him, hear his voice. He knew yet he couldn't bring himself to tell him. He couldn't just open his mouth and tell him how much he loved him, how much he'd always loved him, and it hurt.

"Tell Inoue... I'm sorry I couldn't... help save her... and that it's not her fault..." Renji chocked

Ichigo nodded at Renji's request and sighed to work past the lump in his throat. "Okay..." He muttered.

"And both of you..." Renji paused to wait for Rukia to lift her head from her hands. All this time she was still crying. Rukia swiped at the tears with the back of her hands and looked up at Renji. Renji smiled reassuringly at her but it only made more tears for the girl.

"Thank you both so much... Please... be strong for me..." Renji smiled, his gaze drifting between the two of them. "Thank you..." He whispered as his eyes settled on Ichigo. "...for everything..."

Then he was gone.

Ichigo and Rukia watched as the shine in Renji's eyes slowly faded and they became lifeless. Ichigo's heart sank as Renji's hand became limp in his hands and slowly slipped from his grasp. "No..." Ichigo muttered under his breath, his eyes wide. Rukia couldn't take it and went back to burying her face in her hands and crying.

Ichigo's breath started to become sort and ragged. "No..." He said again, this time his voice louder. Her lifted a shaky hand to Renji's face and placed it on his cheek where a faint smile still lay. Ichigo leaned closer to Renji's body, his other hand resting on the man's shoulder. "Your not dead..." Ichigo said, his voice straining as his eyes swelled with tears. "Your not dead..." He repeated. "You can't be..."

Ichigo looked into Renji's dead eyes, hoping, waiting. He wanted those eyes to blink, to shine again, to look at him but they didn't. They couldn't. Not anymore...

Realization began to sink in and Ichigo snapped. "Your not dead!" He shouted, removing the hand on Renji's cheek to grip his other shoulder and start to shake him. "You can't be dead! You're not! YOUR NOT!"

Rukia looked up from her hands at Ichigo in mild surprise. She sniffed and wiped some of the tears away.

"You're not dead." Ichigo repeated, his shaking becoming more violent. "You can't die! I won't forgive you if you do! You can't die! You can't, YOU CAN'T!" Ichigo shook Renji roughly, the shinigami's head rolling from side to side on the tile floor. Rukia gripped Ichigo's shoulder and tugged a little, trying to force him off.

"Ichigo, Renji is dead. He's gone. Now stop it!"

Ichigo turned to her, eyes wide, tears streaming down his face. "You're lying!" He shouted. "He's not dead! Renji's not dead!"

Ichigo shook Renji again and again, shrugging off Rukia's hand. "He can't be dead! He can't! He has to know! I have to tell him!" Ichigo shouted, more tears streaming down his face and slashing onto Renji's. "I... I have to...!"

"Ichigo, stop it!" Rukia shouted at him, trying again to pull him off.

"He can't be dead! He can't be dead, because...!" Ichigo stopped his shaking but his hands never left Renji's shoulders. He let a sob escape him before collapsing onto Renji's chest and sobbing. "You can't be gone, Renji! I love you! You can't! YOU CAN'T DIE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, RENJI!"

Rukia removed her hands from Ichigo and buried her face in them as she listened to Ichigo's shouting. The boy shook and sobbed and screamed Renji's name until he couldn't anymore and then he fell silent and still against Renji's chest.

Rukia was the first to compose herself. She wiped away the tears and suffocated her sobs until there were no more. She picked up her Zampakuto from where she left it, a few yards away, and walked back to where Ichigo still clung to Renji's chest. She sighed and rest her sword by her side before gently touching Ichigo's shoulder.

"Ichigo." She called. "We have to go. Come on."

Ichigo said nothing and ignored her. He didn't want to move, didn't want to speak. His whole body ached with such an unbearable pain he wondered how he was still breathing. Ichigo opened his eyes but didn't lift his head to look at Rukia.

Rukia sighed again and this time tried to pull Ichigo up. "Come on, Ichigo. We have a job to do, or have you forgotten about Orihime?"

Ichigo cringed and tried to shrug off Rukia's hand to no avail. "Shut up." He muttered. "I don't want to leave him."

Anger began to best Rukia and she didn't fight it. She pulled the boy so hard this time that he was forced to look up at her and let go of Renji's body. Ichigo gasped when he felt his hands leave the rough material of the shihakushō. He grasped for it but Rukia held him out of reach.

"Damn it, Ichigo! Pull yourself together!" She shouted. "I know it hurts but you have to deal with it and finish what you came here for!" She glared down at Ichigo, her cold eyes meeting Ichigo's sad and pathetic look. "Renji told us to be strong for him so I'm telling you; be strong! Renji wouldn't want you to sit here and mourn his death! He would want you to carry on and finish the mission!"

Rukia saw a wave of fear and uncertainty flash across Ichigo's eyes and she understood why. Her eyes softened a bit and she tried her best to smile, despite the situation. "We'll come back for him later, okay?" Ichigo stared up at her a while longer.

"You promise?" He asked quietly like a poor frightened child.

"Yes." Rukia nodded. "I promise."

Ichigo looked down at Renji again and his eyes narrowed. He gave a nod which was intended for Rukia and muttered a small "okay". Ichigo reached out a hand and touched Renji's cheek lightly. Rukia released him so he could use his other hand to touch Renji's face as well. Ichigo carefully closed Renji's eyes and moved a strand of hair from the shinigami's eyes.

He knew it was wrong, and probably disgusting, but Ichigo couldn't help but lean forward and gently kiss Renji's cold lips for the first and last time. He pulled back after a few moments and looked down at Renji's still face. The smile from before was still there if only a little more faded. Ichigo sighed and touched Renji's cheek. "Goodbye." He whispered against Renji's pale skin.

Then he stood and gathered his Zampakuto before joining Rukia and dashing off to find and rescue his friend.

_I'll be thinking of you forever._

-/-/-/-

**A/N: **This took longer than I thought but I was eager to write it. This is only the first chapter so stick around for more. So you know, Rukia knew that Ichigo loved Renji. She was the only who knew, who Ichigo ever told.

Well, this is the part where you review and tell me how much you cried or how bad I hurt Ichigo (again). So go on, review until your hearts content! I NEED REVIEWS! Their like shinigami souls to a hollow. Rawr!


	2. The Rebirth

**Title: **Forsaken

**Author:** Tara Kitaide

**genre:** romance/angst/tragedy

**Pairing:** Ichigo/Renji

**Disclaimer: **Wouldn't it be so cool to own bleach? Unfortunately, I don't. If I did, there'd be hot yaoi smut every chapter.

**Warning: **Yaoi, language, fantasy violence

**Rating: **M for possible yaoi scenes

**Dedication: **To my fans! I love you all!

-/-/-/-

The mission had failed.

Ichigo had reached Orihime and defeated Grimmjow but that Aizen bastard showed up and ruined everything. Rukia fought and won but almost died. Uryū fought and lost but his life was spared and when they found Chad, he was near death as well. Even Nell got damaged. Their only option was to retreat and try again.

Renji was gone. When they went back for his body there was only a large pool of blood where they had left him and a trail of blood making them believe he was dragged away. Ichigo couldn't understand why they would take his body. He figured they must have fed him to a hollow or maybe eaten him themselves. Ichigo cringed at the thought of Renji being ripped to shreds and swallowed piece by piece so he suppressed it whenever it would come up.

They decided to hold a service for him anyway. Ichigo wasn't completely sure how things were suppose to work without a body, but he promised he'd go so he would.

The service was tomorrow. Ichigo was suppose to say something, having been one of Renji's closest friends, but he didn't think he could and besides, he couldn't think of what to say. What could he say? Renji was gone and, as far as he was concerned, it was his fault. If Ichigo had been paying attention, had acted faster, had done something other than just watch Renji be killed, Renji might be there with him.

Ichigo buried his face in his knees and sighed. He was home again, siting on his bed with his knees tucked close to his chest. He was heavily bandaged on his chest with lighter bandages on his legs, arms, and face. Zangetsu was leaning against the wall next to the bed and had long sense given up on talking it's master out of his depressed state.

Ichigo heard the creak of the door open and someone step in. There was another creak as the door was closed and a light footfall making it's way towards him.

"Ichi-nii?"

Ichigo looked up at the toddler Arrancar just in time to see her struggling up onto the bed. Nell plopped down next to Ichigo and looked up at him with saddened eyes. She reached out and put her hand on his arm in comfort and Ichigo smiled weakly. "Hey Nell."

Nell's eyes narrowed in concern. She took her other hand and touched Ichigo's arm with it as well. "Is Ichi-nii hurting somewhere?"

Ichigo's smile slowly faded. He sighed and had tear his eyes away from the girl's face in order to keep a straight face. After a long time he nodded slowly. "Yes." He whispered.

Nell moved onto her knees and gripped Ichigo's arm with one hand while releasing her hold with the other. The girl worked her hand between Ichigo's knees to touch his chest. Ichigo looked back at her in mild surprise and their eyes met.

"Is it..." Nell paused for a moment and gripped Ichigo's shirt sleeve. "Is Ichi-nii hurting here?" The toddler moved the hand on Ichigo's chest to show what she meant.

Ichigo looked at her with still slightly widened eyes. He felt his heart sink and in an instant his eyes were swelling with tears. He swiped at them with one hand and nodded as best he could while muttering a small "yes". The toddler removed her hands from Ichigo's chest and arm and sat back down on the bed.

Ichigo bit down on his lips as to not let a whimper or a sob break through. He now used both hands to swipe at the tears and wouldn't let a single one roll down his cheek.

"I was... talking to Rukia-chan." Nell said, watching him with shimmering eyes. "She said that Ichi-nii was sad... because Ren-chan died." Nell paused and watched him again. She averted her gaze and looked down a moment as if to think about what she was going to say next. She looked back up at Ichigo and let her eyes soften and narrow a bit. "You loved Ren-chan."

It was more of a statement more than it was a question. Ichigo continued to wipe the tears away before trying to compose himself to form a decent response. "I still do, Nell. I still do." Ichigo looked down at the girl and forced a smile. He watched as the girl's eyes began to glisten and a sad frown crept onto her face.

Nell stood on the bed, shaking it momentarily, before lunging at Ichigo and wrapping her tiny arms around his neck. Ichigo gave a small cry of surprise and would have fallen back if he hadn't caught himself in time. He composed himself, shaking off the bit of surprise, and looked at Nell as best he could. "Nell?"

Ichigo felt Nell shake as she held tighter to him. He sighed and rest a hand on the girl's trembling back as she let a soft sob escape her.

"Don't be sad Ichi-nii." Nell said, her vice small and shaky. "Nell still loves you and Rukia-chan and Uryū-kun and Ichi-nii's family too! We don't like it when Ichi-nii is sad..."

Ichigo felt his eyes tear up again but didn't fight it this time. He wrapped his arm around the girl and held her as she sobbed again and cried on his shoulder. "I know Nell." Ichigo sighed. "I love you guys too."

-/-/-/-

The room was dark and foreboding. The tiny bit of light in the room was focused on a long white ovular table and came from a light which hung above it. On that table was a long figure covered with a white cloth. No part of the figure could be seen except for the bright long red hair that came from the top which strewn across and hung idly off the edge of the table. There were but ten different figures figures surrounding the table, all circled around the body in perfect order. One or two were looking the figure over with great interest while the rest stood and waited.

"This is the Shinigami you killed, right Gin-san?"

Gin looked over at the pink haired man, his ever present grin never leaving. The pink haired man looked up at him over his glasses for a moment before taking interest in the figure once again.

Gin nodded. "Yeah. I'm surprised how easy it was. He must have been just so distracted, fighting with Ichi-chan." Gin watched as the espada continued to look over the figure in awe.

"I could use a subject such as this." The Espada said, smirking inwardly to himself. "Besides, I owe this shinigami for damaging me earlier. I'd just love to cut him open and--"

"Don't be so rash, Szayel Aporro."

All of the espada's heads turned to look at their ring leader standing at the end of the table. Aizen wore that calm smile of his on his face as Szayel Aporro looked up at him and their eyes locked. "We need him fo now."

The scientist nodded and moved away from the figure. He noded and stood back in place as he averted his gaze from Aizen. "Yes. Forgive me, Aizen-sama."

Aizen said nothing and instead turned to Gin who stood closest to him on his right side. Gin looked from the sientist to him and his grin seemed to frow wder. "Gin, where is Norita and Stark? Yammy seems to be absent as well."

Gin sighed and ran a hand through his short silver hair. "Ah! Stark said he'd rather sleep and Norita is still recovering. Yammy also seemed kind of busy so I guess he just didn't come." Gin and Aizen exchanged glances before Gin spoke again. "Is that a problem?"

"No." Aizen said, turning back to the figure. He rummaged around in the folds of the Arrancar uniform before coming out with a small round glowing sphere. A few of the espada's eyes widened in surprise as Aizen held the sphere up for all to see. Aizen's smile turned into a grin as he looked from each espada to the next before turning back to the figure and unclothing it.

"I just thought they'd like to see the birth of their new brother."

-/-/-/-

Ichigo whimpered as he forced the pillow over his head and tried to block out his thoughts. He was laying in bed, dreaming of the past and suffering through all the pain the memories brought.

He remembered seeing Renji for the first time, walking with Rukia and his capitan through the doors back to the soul socity. Then when they fought, and he defeted him. Renji had begged him to save Rukia, throwing away his pride and knowing that he had shamed himself. It was around that time that the strange feelings he began to develop for the redhead started to surface. And then Renji had fought to protect Ichigo, allmost losing his life in the process. They had fought together, lost together, lived together, ate together... Even when Renji was down, Ichigo had been there to help him through it and cheer him up, always pretending to be his friend when all he wanted to do was push him down and kiss him.

And now Renji was gone, dead. He couldn't even argue with the red head anymore let alone tell him he loved him. If only he hadn't been such a coward. If only he had told Renji ahead of time... then he might not feel so bad.

Then came all the images and fantisies Ichigo had dreamed of many times before. He was in Renji's arms, being kissed, caressed, undressed. It felt good but hurt even more this time. He could hear Renji calling his name, feel his long soft hair against his chest, see those soft red eyes burning into his... It all reminded him of things he never had and now never could.

Ichigo's eyes fluttered open. He groaned and clentched his teeth, feeling his heart ache. He gripped his chest and whimpered. It was all too much. How could he coninue like this? He wasn't kiding when he said he'd be thinking of Renji forever. How could he not? It would take a long long time for him to get over any of this.

Ichigo lifted the pillow off his face and placed it back under his head. He looked over at his alarm clock and sighed. It was four-seventeen. He still had a lot more time before he hadtoget up and he didn't feel as if he could go back to sleep.

Ichigo flopped over onto his back and stared up at the cieling. It was still dark out but the sky was dimly lit blue. It wouldn't be long untill the sun came up. Ichigo was considering getting ready early when there was a loud clang from somewhere in the dark room that startled him.

Ichigo lifted his head and looked around the room. It was hard to see in the dark but his eyes had adjusted well so he could make out most things.

"Well hello there, Ichigo."

Ichigo jumped and looked around for the owner of the voice. His eyes darted around frantically before landing on his window and falling upon the person that now perched on his windowseal. He squinted and waitedfor his eyes to adjust before trying to make out who it was. When he finallt did, he jumped and gasped.

"_You?!_"

-/-/-/-

"Kuchiki-taichou!"

Byakuya looked up from his papers to face the now breathless shinigami that had burst into his office. He stared at them, slightly agitated that someone had dared to disturb him in such a maner. "Yes? What is it Rikichi?" Byakuya asked in his normally cold tone.

The boy composed himself before looking up at his capitan, eyes wide. "T-Taichou! Forgive me for being so rude but we seem to have a situation!"

Byakuya looked at him a while more before turning back to his papers and continuing to sign them. "What is it?"

Rikichi stood up straight and returned his breathing to normal. He looked at his capitan, eyes still wide as he began to explane his situation. "Sir, as you know I was instructed to clean..." Rikichi paused at the pain in his next words. "_Former_ Abarai Renji Fukutaichou's zampaku-to." Byakuya simply nodded. Rikichi continued. "Well, sir... I went to clean it as instructed sir and..."

Byakuya looked up at Rikichi's pause. "Yes? And?"

Rikichi gulped and averted his capitan's gaze for a moment before lookinghim square in the eyes and working past the lump in his throat. "I'm sorry sir, but it's _gone_. It's been _stolen_."

-/-/-/-

A/N: Ah, I didn't work verry hard on this chapter and my spellcheck failed on my halfway through. I don't know why though. Maybe I pushed a button...?

Well, I hope you all enjoy this regardless. Hope it's not too bad.


	3. Kidnaped! A plan set in motion!

**Title: **Forsaken

**Author:** Tara Kitaide

**genre:** romance/angst/tragedy

**Pairing:** Ichigo/Renji

**Disclaimer: **Wouldn't it be so cool to own bleach? Unfortunately, I don't. If I did, there'd be hot yaoi smut every chapter.

**Warning: **Yaoi, language, fantasy violence

**Rating: **M for possible yaoi scenes

**Dedication: **To my fans! I love you all!

-/-/-/-

Ichigo shot out of his bed and reached for the substitute shinigami license he always kept on the desk by his bed. He searched around a moment before feeling the hard round object and thrust it into his chest. In an instant, Zangetsu was in his hand and he was crouched into a fighting stance.

"Oi, oi! Don't be so rash, Ichi-chan! Aren't we friends?"

Ichigo glared into the former capitan's slitted eyes and scoffed. "You fucking bastard..." He growled. Anger began to seep through and control him, blocking out all rational thoughts and replacing them with revenge. Memories came back in an instant. He remembered Gin's sword slowly cutting through Renji inch by inch, that grin of his growing wider, the amusement in those eyes. Ichigo could see it all too clearly and that just make his resolve burn brighter.

Gin sighed and watched as Ichigo's eyes glazed over with hate and rage. He took a hand from the folds of the odd arrancar uniform and touched the hilt of his sword. "I knew it was a bad idea to send me. Your still mad about Abarai-kun, right Ichi-chan?"

"Is that some kind of joke?" Ichigo growled.

The smile on Gin's face disappeared for a moment as he scoffed before returning the moment he pulled out his blade. He walked off the ledge and landed on Ichigo's bedroom floor before turning back to the boy. "Do you want to see him again?"

Ichigo felt his heart leap out of his chest. What was this guy saying?! Could he possibly be suggesting that they had Renji _alive_? That the brought him _back_?! No way. Ichigo knew this guy all too well. He was defedantly messing with his head, trying to make him snap or do something he'd regret. "What do you mean?" Ichigo settled on.

Ichigo watched in disgust as the fox-faced man's grin grew wider, much like the last time they had fought. Gin lifted Shinzo in front of him and his eyes opened. "I've been ordered to take you back alive. Don't make me have to hurt you Ichi-chan." Gin's grin faded into a serious frown.

Ichigo's grip on Zangetsu tightened. "Fuck you!" He spat.

Gin sighed and began to advance towards the boy. "Fine then." He said, his voice cold and hard. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

In an instant, Gin disappeared from view and stood behind Ichigo, his sword to his neck. Ichigo ducked away and lunged at Gin, bringing his sword forward to stab the man. Gin scoffed and moved to the side, letting Ichigo tumble past him and narrowly avoided crashing into his desk.

"You're slow." Gin grabbed Ichigo by the color and threw him onto the bed. Ichigo tried to scramble back up but was immediately pushed back down and held in place. Ichigo struggled against the man's hold but could do nothing. He felt as Zangetsu slipped from his grasp and fell off the bed with a clang.

Gin leaned down closer to Ichigo, their faces only inches apart. Ichigo felt the former capitan's foul breath graze his cheeks and he grimaced. "Get the fuck off of me!" He shouted. Gin said nothing and instead held the boy's head still as he smashed their mouths together, forcing his tounge between the boy's lips. Ichigo tried to struggle out of the disturbing kiss and force the other man away but it was no use. He felt his throat constrict as he was forced to swallow and as soon as the kiss had began, it ended.

Ichigo hacked and coughed, turning his head to the side to spit out the disgusting taste. Gin released his hold on the boy and Ichigo shot up, putting a hand to his throat as it began to swell and become inflamed.

"What the hell did you make me swallow?" Ichigo growled, his speech becoming slow and slurred. He looked up at Gin who now stood in front of him, his face still calm and serious.

"Don't worry. It'll all become clear soon. Aizen-sama has big plans for you, Ichi-chan."

Ichigo growled again and spat at his feet. "Fuck... you...!"

Then he felt as his head began to pound and the room began to speak. Ichigo fell back onto the bed, his body becoming heavy and weak. He cursed under his breath and tried to move his arms but they felt like lead. He cursed again and turned his head in time to see Zangetsu being picked up by the former capitan before his world went black.

-/-/-/-

"Aizen-sama, Gin-sama has returned."

Aizen turned in his chair to face his subordinate. There was a look of interest and mild surprise on his face before it was replaced with his normally calm and smug smile. "Ah, Ulquiorra. I didn't hear you come in."

Ulquiorra bowed. "Forgive me sir. I simply came to give the report."

Aizen gave a wave of his hand and turned in his chair to overlook the white desert sand of Hueco Mundo. "I assume he has the boy?" He said, referring to Gin.

Ulquiorra nodded before giving and audible "yes". Aizen's smile turned into a grin as he swong his left leg over his right and crosses them. "Good. Then I assume all the preperations are in order?"

Again Ulquiorra nodded. Aizen nodded in turn and motioned for him to leave before the Arrancar left and Aizen stood. The madman looked at the Hoguoku beside him and picked it up, examining the sphere for a long while before tucking it safely into his shihakushō.

"It's time to claim my prize."

-/-/-/-

Ichigo had never seen the odd room before. Then again, he hadn't seen most of Hueco Mundo. Sightseeing wasn't one of the things he planed to do on his first trip here. Still, the place was strange, dark, foreboding. It was more like a stadium, actually, and he was in the middle of it.

All around him, Arrancar sneered and spat at him. Some were shouting while others ignored him and chose to act like he didn't exist. At the front of it all was a large white stone chair which, if Ichigo had to guess, was Aizen's.

The boy tried to crane his neck to get a better look around the room, hopefully find an escape point, but the hand around the back of his neck tightened it's grip and forced his head down again.

"Shinigami, fucker! I thought I told you not to move!"

Ichigo growled but didn't say anything. He could easily kick the shit out of this arrancar if it wasn't for the chains tying his hands behind his back and the fact they hid Zangetsu from him. Even then, Ichigo was strong enough. He was sure he could kill this guy.

These was a loud clap for attention and all heads snapped up to look in the direction from which it came. Even Ichigo was allowed permission to lift his head and he realized all eyes were focused on the great stone chair. When he saw why, anger rose within him.

"Kurosaki Ichigo." The sickly voice called.

"Aizen...!" Ichigo growled. The boy glared at the former shinigami capitan with such ferocity it could paralyze a thousand men. Aizen smiled back in amusement, his brows arched slightly.

Ichigo's body began to shake with anger as the man sat down and Gin stood by his side. Ichigo's eyes flickered over to the silvered hair man for a moment before flashing back to Aizen and glaring even more murderously than before.

"I suppose you wonder why you are here." Aizen said more than he asked. The man brought a hand up to his chin and rested his head against it, still looking at Ichigo.

Ichigo scoffed but said nothing. He wouldn't justify this madman with an answer, he didn't deserve Ichigo's acknowledgment.

"Nothing to say?" Aizen mused. "No insult or snappy come back? I say, you were quite vocal when you saw Gin."

Ichigo, again, said nothing. Instead, he snorted and spat at the ground, only wishing it was Aizen's feet.

Aizen's smile grew into a grin as he glanced momentarily at Gin who smiled at him. "Now, now, boy. No need to be so vulgar. Especially when you have a _friend_ here."

_Friend?_ Ichigo thought. _Does he mean Orihime? No. He wouldn't bring her out. I've already seen her and besides, he knows I might have some sort of trick up my sleeve... Not that I do._

"Mitsuji-san, please come out here." Aizen said, snapping Ichigo out of his thoughts.

Ichigo watched as Gin moved aside and a new presence began to take his place next to Aizen. The person was still walking out of the shadows so Ichigo had to squint but when the light hit their face, he couldn't help but gasp.

"Re...Ren...ji...?"

-/-/-/-

I was gonna write a little more but that's it. Sorry this is kindda late. I'll be sure to update sooner.


	4. I'm Not Him

**Title: **Forsaken

**Author:** Tara Kitaide

**genre:** romance/angst/tragedy

**Pairing:** Ichigo/Renji

**Disclaimer: **Wouldn't it be so cool to own bleach? Unfortunately, I don't. If I did, there'd be hot yaoi smut every chapter.

**Warning: **Yaoi, language, fantasy violence

**Rating: **M for possible yaoi scenes

**Dedication: **To my fans! I love you all!

-/-/-/-

"Re... Ren... ji...?"

Aizen's grin grew at the utter shock and disbelief on the boy's face. His eyes shifted to look at the man standing next to him. The person known as "Mitsuji" had his hands buried deeply in his pockets while his face and posture shone of bordem.

"Kurosaki Ichigo, meet Mitsuteru Mitsuji. He's new to our family so if he acts unruly please forgive him, he doesn't know better."

Ichigo's eyes didn't drift over to Aizen's or anywhere else in the room. Instead, his gaze was fixed solely on the new person in the room, this "Mitsuji" who looked so much like...

"Renji...?" Ichigo called again, this time his voice a bit sturdier.

There was no change on the man's face as he continued to look down at Ichigo, but he did grumble in annoyance a bit. Ichigo couldn't see every detail on the man's face but the long bright red hair that spilled over the man's shoulders and back were apparent as well as the bold tattoos on his face. It was only then that Ichigo noticed the bone mask covering half of the man's face and the back markings that snaked across it. It covered the corner of his mask and his forehead, following his hair line and didn't cover his right eye.

_A... mask? _Ichigo thought, his head beginning to pound. _A mask... just like... just like mine! But then that means..._

"Mitsuji-san, this is the ryoka boy that young girl was talking about, 'Kurosaki Ichigo' is his name." Aizen's eyes went back to Ichigo and for the first time sense Mitsuji entered the room, Ichigo's eyes met Aizen's.

"Is that so?" Mitsuji said, his voice heavy and unamused. "Well, I guess you want me to take over now, right?"

Aizen nodded. "Yes, if you could it would be of much help."

Mitsuji scoffed and growled a "whatever" before jumping from the raised platform and advancing towards Ichigo. "Listen, you shinigami brat." He said as he snatched Ichigo by the front his shihakushō. Ichigo gave a small gasp and his eyes instantly focused on the man's face as he was hoisted up. "Don't make this too hard for me. I don't wanna have to hurt ya so just shut up and come along quietly, got it?"

Ichigo's mouth hung open as his eyes locked with Mitsuji's. They were red. Mitsuji's eyes were red, just as Renji's had been. Not only that, but the tattoos on the side of Mitsuji's uncovered face were the same as well. Ichigo worked past the lump in his throat and felt his lips quiver. "Renji?" He said again, this time a whisper.

Mitsuji scoffed again and began to drag Ichigo out with him. "Why the hell do I get stuck with fuckin' shit like you? First that girl and now this. It's so damn annoying..." He grumbled.

Ichigo kept his eyes on Mitsuji who was now in front of him as he dragged him out of the room. He could hear the snickers and insults of the arrancar behind him but they started to fade as they left the room and went out of earshot.

"R-Renji!" Ichigo said again, this time his voice stronger. "What's going on, why are you on his side?! And why do you have that mask! Renji, what's going on? Don't you recognize me!"

Mitsuji growled and tugged at Ichigo's color tighter, nearly chocking him. "Shut up! God, your just like that fuckin' girl! 'Renji! What's going on Renji! Why don't you recognize me Renji?'" Mitsuji mocked in a high voice. "Whoever the hell this 'Renji' guy is, he ain't me! My name is 'Mitsuji'! So shut up and stop calling me that!"

Ichigo gaped for a moment, staring into Mitsuji's glaring eyes. Ichigo felt his heart sink and his head pound. He felt like someone had just ripped his chest to shreds, the same feeling he had when Renji died and the same one he had been feeling for the past two weeks. Ichigo nodded slowly, very slowly and lowered his head so he wouldn't have to look at the Renji look-alike anymore. "I'm sorry." He muttered.

Mitsuji scoffed and muttered a "whatever" before dragging Ichigo back along the white stone halls.

They walked for awhile but eventually they came upon a room which Ichigo noticed looked vaguely familiar. Mitsuji kicked the door open with a loud bang that made Ichigo jump. They were just in the door way when Ichigo was tossed in the room and the door was slammed behind them.

"Hey, girlie! Got one of your little friends here for ya!" Mitsuji barked, the annoyance in his voice never leaving.

Ichigo looked around the room, his eyes searching frantically when he heard his name being called.

"Kurosaki-kun...?"

Ichigo's eyes fixed on the bed against the left side of the wall and instantly widened. "Orihime?"

"Kurosaki-kun!" Orihime's eyes widened as she leaped off the bed and knelled beside the boy, helping him stand up. "Kurosaki-kun, are you alright? Those binds look painful."

Ichigo nodded but winced when the binds on his hands tugged uncomfortably on his wrists and made it almost somewhat painful. "I'm okay." He lied anyway. "The didn't hurt me. Are _you_ alright?"

Orihime nodded. "After Aizen took me back away, he locked me up in here for a few days but then..."

Orihime looked up at Mitsuji who stood leaning against the wall this whole time, his hands buried deep in his pockets. Ichigo looked up too but was only greeted with an aggravated stare and a grumble.

"Kurosaki-kun, who _is_ that?" Orihime asked, her voice now low.

Ichigo turned to look at her, his eyes slightly widened. "You mean you don't know?"

Once again, Orihime shook her head sadly. "No. I mean, he looks like Renji-kun but When ever I called him that, he insists that he isn't. And that mask... Kurosaki-kun, it looks like a _hollow's_ mask."

"That's 'cause I'm an Arrancar."

Ichigo and Orihime looked back over to Mitsuji, a bit surprised by the look-alike's sudden remark.

"I have this mask, 'cause I'm an Arrancar. Plain and simple." Mitsuji grumbled. "I ain't a shinigami like your little friend was. I'm an Arrancar which means I'm a hollow. Geez, don't you guys know anything?"

Ichigo felt, for the first time sense he'd met himself, anger rise within' him. He growled and walked over to Mitsuji, pinning the man against the wall with his body sense his hands were bound tightly and of no use.

"Now you listen here!" Ichigo growled, the other man's eyes widening slightly. "I don't care what you think you are! Your a shinigami just like me! Your name is 'Abarai Renji'! Not this, 'Mitsuji' crap! Your Abarai Renji, Vice Capitan of the sixth squad and a member of the Thirteen Court guard Squads! Your another puppet under Aizen's control! Your not--"

"NOW YOU SHUT UP!"

Ichigo stopped when he was immediately cut off but didn't back away. He looked up into Mitsuji's now angered eyes, his own narrowed in a glare.

"Don't think I'm just like the rest of those mother fuckin' suck ups!" Mitsuji growled, pushing Ichigo back with equal or even greater force. "I don't bow down to that fuckin' psycho path! He ain't the boss of me, got it?!" Mitsuji spat, pushing Ichigo back farther and farther until they backed into the opposite wall.

"And as for this whole 'Renji' thing," Mitsuji hissed, pressing his body firmly against Ichigo's. "How many times do I gotta say it before it sinks into that thick head of yours? I don't need you telling me this shit! I'M. NOT. HIM! I know who I am!"

Ichigo snorted and turned his head away in defiance. "Obviously not."

The next thing Ichigo knew, he was one the floor, a loud pop still ringing in his ears as well as a terrified scream from Orihime. He rubbed his cheek against his shoulder where it now stung and spat out the blood that began to pool in his mouth.

"Know your place, Shinigami brat!"

Ichigo looked up at Mitsuji and for a moment, saw pain and regret in the man's eyes. He knew it was Renji. The real part of Renji that was in there and desperately trying to escape. So he looked on with equally saddened eyes and tried hard to stand. When he couldn't he settled for kneeling.

"Renji." He called softly, sadly.

Mitsuji's eyes began to shimmer until he quickly shook his head and scrunched his face in aggravation to shoo the emotion away. "I'll be back, you shinigami brat."

Mitsuji walked out of the room, his hands buried deep in his pockets and his normal slouched posture returned. Ichigo and Orihime's eyes followed him until he kicked the door close behind him and with a click, locked it.

"Damn it." Mitsuji grumbled, taking a hand out of his pocket to cover his eyes. "That shinigami brat..."

Mitsuji's eyes began to swell with tears and let one fall down the unmasked side of his face before swiping at it and cursing under his breath. His head started to pound and something tugged painfully at his heart but what? He had no idea why the tears had come or what triggered the sinking feeling in his chest but he did know that it had something to do with the boy and when ever he imagined his hurt face, it seemed to get worse.

"Fuckin' shinigami..." He mutered. "What the hell did he do to me?"

-/-/-/-

**A/N:** GAH! I'm totally unsatisfied with this chapter! Then again, I read it over the phone to my friend and she seemed to like it. :3 I hope this isn't a total let down for you people! I'm tryin' my best with school and everything!

Well... Please review! Can't wait for your feed back!


	5. Kiss me, Kill me, I hate you

**Title: **Forsaken

**Author:** Tara Kitaide

**genre:** romance/angst/tragedy

**Pairing:** Ichigo/Renji

**Disclaimer: **Wouldn't it be so cool to own bleach? Unfortunately, I don't. If I did, there'd be hot yaoi smut every chapter.

**Warning: **Yaoi, language, fantasy violence

**Rating: **M for possible yaoi scenes

**Dedication: **To my fans! I love you all!

-/-/-/-

Ichigo's eyes cracked open slowly but surely. There wasn't much light shining in from the small window but there was enough to make out the dark figures of the nightstand and other furniture in the room. He let his eyes look around the room a bit before sighing heavily and swinging his legs over the side of the bed to sit up. He winced when the chains around his wrist rubbed painfully over his now cut and swollen skin and craned his head over his shoulder to look down at the offending metal binds. Next to him, Orihime stirred slightly in her sleep before turning over onto her back and continuing to rest.

Ichigo did his best to reach out and pull the covers closer around her before turning back around and sighing heavily, his mind once again spinning with questions and desperately trying to find answers.

Before drifting off to sleep, Orihime had healed his cheek and tried her best to heal the cuts on his wrist, even though the chains only created more. Ichigo's back hurt, having to sleep in such an uncomfortable position with his arms bound as they were. The bed was large enough so Orihime and Ichigo shared it, even though Ichigo offered to sleep on the couch. Orihime insisted every time.

Ichigo sighed again and tried once again to break out of the binds surrounding his hands. He gritted his teeth and bared with the pain of his flesh being torn so roughly before finally he gave up. He tried once more but his attempt was half hearted and even he knew he could do better.

"That isn't gonna work. Those things have a kidou on em'."

Ichigo's head snapped around to fix on the end of the bed and the owner of the voice that had suddenly spoken. It was then, for the first time, that Ichigo noticed the figure at the end of his bed, sitting with it's legs crossed as it leaned against the bed post.

Ichigo stared uncertain for a moment before he registered to voice and figure as the man who called himself Mitsuteru Mitsuji. Renji's look-a-like.

"Why are you so surprised? I told you I'd be back." Mitsuji scoffed, standing and shifting from foot to foot uncomfortably. "Or did you think it was all a nightmare?"

There was a hint of sarcasm as well as a mocking tone in Mitsuji's voice, accompanied by a small smirk that flashed across his face for only a moment.

Ichigo said nothing. Normally he would have come up with a snappy come back or would have been up in someone's face but he just sat there, his eyes traveling from Mitsuji, to the floor, Orihime and back again.

Mitsuji's smirk came back, this time staying as he stood and began to advance towards Ichigo.

"Come on."

Mitsuji grabbed Ichigo by the front of his shihakushō and dragged him towards the door, opening it slowly and quietly as not to wake Orihime.

"W-Wait!" Ichigo gasped out the words. He pulled back with his body, trying to resist being dragged further. He dug his heels into the carpeted floor of the bed room and strained against his color as Mitsuji tugged angrily at it. "Where are you taking me?"

Mitsuji tugged again at Ichigo's color, trying to make him move but the boy wouldn't budge. "I ain't takin' ya no where. Just move your ass and come on!" He growled. "I'll explane later, alright? Just move it!"

Mitsuji tugged again but Ichigo still refused to move. "Now listen, you shinigami brat--!"

"What about Orihime?" Ichigo asked, cutting Mitsuji off. "You're just gonna leave her here? What'll she do when she wakes up all alone?"

Mitsuji sighed and a distasteful frown scorned his lips. His eyes locked with the boys for a moment but didn't stat there long for Mitsuji scoffed and turned his head in aggravation. "She's Ulquiorra's responsibility, not mine. He'll be in to check on her, he always is." Mitsuji said, his voice waning between anger and annoyance. "Now come on!"

He added the last part as almost an after thought and tugged Ichigo again. This time Ichigo complied and was lead out of the room.

The hallways were brightly lit and white. So white you could probably see a pen on the floor from ten feet away. Ichigo's eyes strained as they adjusted to the sudden intensity. He tried to reach a hand up to shield his eyes but he was reminded of the chains around his hands as they rubbed against his skin, opening old wounds.

Ichigo whimpered softly but it was enough to catch Mitsuji's attention, who walked in front of him. Mitsuji glanced over his shoulder and at Ichigo's strained face. His eyes then trailed down to Ichigo's hands where they could barley be seen as the boy struggled with the binds.

Mitsuji stopped suddenly. Ichigo, focusing all his concentration on his hands, didn't notice and bumped into Mitsuji, almost losing his balance.

"W-What? Why'd you stop?"

Mitsuji turned as suddenly as he had stopped. He waisted no time and in seconds turned Ichigo around and was reaching out towards the boy's cuffed hands. Ichigo gasped slightly as Mitsuji's fingers grazed over the cut and bruised skin. "Just hold still." Mitsuji ordered. Ichigo did as he was told.

Ichigo winced and even wined as Mitsuji fumbled with the chains but soon they were off and Ichigo was free to rub his wrists in an attempt to sooth the pain. There was a rattling of the chains as Mitsuji tossed them carelessly into the hallway.

"Ah... thank you." Ichigo said as he began to turn back around to face Mitsuji. "But... why did you-- Augh!"

Ichigo didn't get to finish or even fully turn around before he was grabbed by the arm and tossed into a nearby room. Ichigo immediately scrambled to his feet once his body made contact with the carpeted floor. Without thinking, he bolted for the door only to be pushed back in the room by Mitsuji. Mitsuji followed after Ichigo, slamming the door behind him and, much to Ichigo's horror, locking it.

Ichigo tried to bolt for the door again but this time was pushed to his back onto the double bed in the room. Soon his hands were being pinned above his head and a hot body was being pressed against his. Ichigo gasped and breathed heavily, his heart racing and his head pounding.

"What... what are you--"

"Who the hell are you?"

Ichigo blinked up at Mitsuji, confused. "What do you mean?"

Mitsuji growled and tightened his grip on Ichigo's hands, gripping dangerously close to the boy's bruised and torn skin.

"Who are you? What the hell was this Renji guy to you?" Mitsuji asked, his eyes narrowing into a glare. A few strands of his crimson hair spilled over his shoulder and tickled Ichigo's cheek and neck. Ichigo didn't answer immediately. His mind seemed to go blank and his breath short. This man was so close, he could feel his breath on his lips. Ichigo gulped and tried to work past the lump in his throat but all that came out were small groans and whispered half-words.

Mitsuji growled, his patience growing thin. "I asked you who the hell he was to you!" His voice level raised now as he gripped Ichigo's hurt wrists and squeezed tightly, slamming them down above the boy's head in a fit of rage. "Who the hell was Renji? What do you think I'm him? Tell me, damn it!"

Ichigo whined and felt an unbearable pain settle in his chest. He looked up into Mitsuji's enraged eyes, his own narrowed in grief. "R-Renji was..." Ichigo paused, his voice rough and cracked. "He was a friend and..."

Ichigo stopped, uncertain of what to say. Renji _was_ his friend but there were so many times when Ichigo wanted to be so much more. How could he explane it to this man? How could he make him understand that he loved him, even though they had never met, never spoken until yesterday, never been close. Ichigo was a stranger in Mitsuji's mind and Ichigo had to remember that in this mans mind, he wasn't Renji. He wasn't the Abarai Renji he knew. He was Mitsuteru Mitsuji, an Arrancar, a killer, a villain.

"'And'?!" Mitsuji demanded. "And what? What else?"

"And..." Again Ichigo hesitated. His heart throbbed and ached worse then ever. He felt his face flush and become hot but not out of embarrassment but frustration and nervousness. "I... I love him..." Ichigo said, staring up into Mitsuji's dark red eyes. "I... I love you..."

Mitsuji's eyes widened for a moment, his grip on Ichigo's wrists loosening slightly. He felt his face flush and his heart begin to beat rapidly in his chest just by looking into Ichigo's eyes. His head pounded, he began to sweat and once again he was feeling strange emotions brought up just by looking at this boy's face.

"I'm not... him..." Mitsuji muttered, his face drawing subconsciously closer.

Ichigo let out a shaky breath and tried to shake his head but it only moved very very slightly. "No." Ichigo said, his voice barely a whisper. Mitsuji didn't lash out or yell although he knew Ichigo was denying his statement. Instead, he closed the gap between them and crushed their lips together.

Ichigo sighed and let a small sound of pleasure escape him as Mitsuji's tounge poked past his lips and darted out to met his eager and waiting tounge. They licked and sucked desperately at each other, their hands now preoccupied with the task of exploring as much of the other as they could. They pulled away but only for air before smashing their mouths back together and continuing.

Ichigo felt as hot hands traveled under the folds of his shihakushō and searched every inch of his body. Ichigo's own hands shot up and ran through Mitsuji's crimson hair, pushing the man further into his mouth and moaning at every touch.

"Renji..."

Mitsuji snorted and quickly retreated his tounge from Ichigo's mouth and pulled away, despite Ichigo's protests. Ichigo held onto Mitsuji's face and tried to drag him back down into another kiss but Mitsuji removed the boys hands by force and stood up off the bed and away from Ichigo.

Ichigo huffed, his eyes wide they fixed on Mitsuji, his face scrunched in confusion. "Why... Why did you stop...?"

Mitsuji turned his head away and his normal scowl adorned his features. He sighed heavily, aggravation apparent in his tone. "I told you I'm not him." He growled, his eyes flashing to Ichigo a moment before once again averting his gaze. "You don't love me, you love him. I only _look_ like him. So stop being so stupid and open your eyes. I. Don't. Love. You."

The pain in Ichigo's heart was no longer pain. It was beyond that. It was nothingness. Ichigo's stomach flopped and his head spun. He couldn't tell if he was breathing but he must have been because he hadn't passed out yet. He sat up, his eyes still fixed on Mitsuji, stinging with tears.

Mitsuji looked at Ichigo again and this time, he didn't avert his gaze again. Their eyes locked again and for the second time sense meeting this boy, felt his heart crumble and ache.

Ichigo stood, not quite sure what to do or say. Mitsuji was staring at him now with equally saddened eyes and an uncertain look. Ichigo took a step forward and reached out slowly, not quite sure what he was reaching for. His hand rested on Mitsuji's arm, making the man jump and his eyes widen more (if that was possible).

Without thinking or even stopping, Ichigo reached out and wrapped his arms around Mitsuji, burrowing his face in his chest. "Renji..." He called, breathing deeply, shakily. For the first time in days, tears fell freely down Ichigo's cheeks. Ichigo gripped the Arrancar uniform and bunched it tightly in his fists, his body shaking. "Renji..." He called again.

Mitsuji's eyes narrowed. He didn't embrace the boy or comfort him or kiss his head or anything. He just stood there and let Ichigo cry against him.

"Renji, I'm so sorry... so sorry Renji..." Ichigo sobbed. "I let you die... It's all my fault... I couldn't save you... and now you... you're..." Ichigo's broken and sad voice turned into a sob. He whimpered and cried against Mitsuji's chest, apologizing over and over.

"I just wanna love you Renji... I just wanna be with with you but... I couldn't tell you and you died without knowing... I'm such a coward, so pathetic... I can't do anything for you and now..." Ichigo looked up at Mitsuji, tears still streaming down his face, his breathing still irregular. "Now you're like this... and... it's all my fault..."

Ichigo brought a hand up to the side of Mitsuji's unmasked face and touched his cheek softly. "I'm so sorry... please forgive me..."

Mitsuji stared down at Ichigo, his eyes emotionless and unmoving, fixed on Ichigo's chocolate brown orbs. He once again removed Ichigo's hand from his face and peeled away the boy's arm that still wound tightly around him. "I already told you a million times already." Mitsuji said, turning his back on the boy. "I'm not him. My name is Mitsuteru Mitsuji. I'm an Arrancar not a shinigami and I certainly don't love you."

Mitsuji unlocked the door and walked through without looking back or acknowledging Ichigo as he fell to his knees. He stood in silence for a moment, not even the sound of Ichigo's hics and sobs breaking the tension between them.

"I hate you."

And then he was gone, the door was closed and locked and Ichigo was left to cry alone, doubled over and clenching his chest where the nothingness once again engulfed him.

-/-/-/-

**A/N: **Once again, I'm unsatisfied with a chappy. I didn't proof read or anything or put much effort into it but Whatever. It's late and I did this all in one day because I have other shit to work on and I'm a total procrastinator. Well, I already have this all planed out in my head, I just needa get it down. All I can say is, yall are gonna freakin' hate me.


	6. A shimmer of hope and a promise

**Title: **Forsaken

**Author:** Tara Kitaide

**genre:** romance/angst/tragedy

**Pairing:** Ichigo/Renji

**Disclaimer: **Wouldn't it be so cool to own bleach? Unfortunately, I don't. If I did, there'd be hot yaoi smut every chapter.

**Warning: **Yaoi, language, fantasy violence

**Rating: **M for possible yaoi scenes

**Dedication: **To my fans! I love you all!

-/-/-/-

_Another scream, another dodge, another explosion of energy and Ichigo was on the ground again, scrambling quickly to his feet before the next swift attack could hit him. He gripped Zangetsu tightly in his hand, swinging wildly through the cloud of dust in hopes of his blade making contact with the target. It was no use._

_Before Ichigo could blink, there was a blade to his neck and a body at his back. He immediately tensed, his breathing becoming erratic and his heart beat quickening._

"_You've gotten slower."_

_Ichigo scoffed and a scowl replaced his surprised and tense look. "Whatever. You've just gotten faster, idiot."_

_The other person chuckled and slowly began to retreat their blade. "I guess you're right."_

_Ichigo's body relaxed out of his fighting stance as he swung Zangetsu over his shoulder and turned to face his comrade. "Let's take a break. I'm starting to get tired."_

"_Aw! Already? Geez, maybe you are falling behind."_

"_Shut up! Am not!"_

_Ichigo sat down slowly on one of the many boulders that littered the recreational waist land. It wasn't too long after that Renji sat next to him and took off his head band._

"_What's up with you today? You seem kindda out of it." Renji said, using his headband to dab away the sweat dripping off his face. "Something wrong?"_

_Ichigo slumped his body forward, his head resting loosely in the palm of one hand while the other played with the bits of dirt and dust that stuck to his shihakushō. "I've just... had a lot on my mind is all." He said dryly. "It's just this whole Arrancar thing and on top of everything else just a bunch of other problems that have been gettin' to me."_

_Ichigo picked up a small stone and threw it, not particularly aiming at anything. He let out a frustrated sigh and once again put his head in his hands._

"_Other problems?" Renji asked, his ears perking. "Like what?"_

_Again, Ichigo sighed and put a hand to his forehead. "There's... this person I like..."_

"_Oh?" Renji's ear's perked. "Do they know you like them?"_

_Ichigo glanced momentarily at Renji out of the corner of his eye and felt a faint blush coming which he tried to will down. "No. I don't think so..."_

"_And why the hell not?"_

"_I'm... not sure they'd return my feelings..." Ichigo said with a twinge of sorrow as he continued to stare down at his feet._

"_Well that's stupid."_

_Ichigo's head snapped up at Renji, the pain on his face now replaced by frustration. "What the hell's so stupid about my feelings, you jerk!! I'm trying to be open!"_

_He stopped when Renji turned to him, his face calm and straight, not holding a bit of amusement. Ichigo's eyes widened slightly as the air around them tensed, obviously a result of Renji's reiatsu._

"_Ichigo..." Renji called, shocking Ichigo. "Ichigo, anyone who wouldn't return your feelings is stupid. Any one would be lucky to have you, and I mean that."_

_Ichigo felt his heart skip a beat and his blush deepened. He had to tear his eyes away from Renji and scowl to keep himself from blurting out how he felt or maybe worse._

"_Geez, what's with _you_ all of a sudden?"_

_Renji's reaction was a chuckle which ended with deafening silence that lasted for several moments between the two until Renji stood._

"_I'm gonna go ask Urahara for something, I'll be right back." Renji said before turning his back to Ichigo and walking through the recreation wasteland._

_Ichigo said nothing and instead watched Renji walk off._

"_Yeah..." He sighed. "Real lucky..."_

-/-/-/-

Mitsuji's eyes cracked open slowly to the morning sun. It had been three days sense the incident with Ichigo and as time went by the dreams became more frequent.

They were always the same, or at least about the same thing.

For one, Ichigo was always in them and two, there was that infamous Renji he had come to disgust. He had to admit, the man did look like him, and they had many of the same mannerisms, but there was no way it was him. He knew who he was. He didn't need some brat telling him other wise.

Mitsuji continued to lay on his back and stare at the ceiling, thinking of his newest dream. Ichigo seemed so sad after words, that it made him cringe just thinking about it. The way he looked at this Renji... the way he spoke to him... it was all quite apparent the brat loved him. Why couldn't that idiot Renji realize it _then_? Then the brat might not pester him as much. Then he might not feel so guilty...

"PAH!" Mitsuji spat, sitting up. "Why should _I_ feel guilty? It's not my fault the fuckin' brat thinks I'm him! The idiot just wont listen!"

Mitsuji sighed in irritation and swung his legs over the side of the bed, dressing quickly before leaving.

He walked out into the white hallway and shut his door behind him, locking it, not that he needed to. He adjusted the blade at his side and cringed when he felt a sharp pain in his head.

He didn't know why, but it was like this whenever he touched the blade. He had heard about zanpakutō relaying their feelings and emotions to their owners but that only happened to Shinigami, right? Arrancar zanpakutō weren't like shinigami's. They weren't alive, so why did he feel like someone was standing next to him?

"Fuckin' Shinigami Brat..." He grumbled for the up tenth time. "Messin' with my head... I swear I'll--"

"You're talkin' to yourself again, Red."

Mitsuji looked over his shoulder at the owner of the comment in mild surprise, not expecting anyone for quite some time. He immediately recognized the short teal blue hair and the hand that had subconsciously gripped the hilt of his blade relaxed. "Oh, it's just you, Grimmjow. Though Noritora was comin' to pick a fight again."

Grimmjow chuckled ever so slightly and walked to Mitsuji's side, his hands buried deep in his pockets. "So he's been pickin' on you again? Why don't you ever fight back? I mean, I know you can kick his ass!"

Mitsuji sighed as they began walking and rest his arm lazily over his blade while the other sunk into his pocket. "Shut up. Ya know I could if I would but--"

"Yeah, I know. Your Zampakuto is different then ours."

Mitsuji looked down at his blade for a moment, his eyes following the red scabbard and resting on the hilt before turning back to watch where he was walking. "I donno. Sometimes I hear these voices in my head. Like an old man and some punk. They always say 'What are you doing Idiot' or 'I can't believe you' or some other insulting shit." He paused and sighed once again, a momentary silence between them.

Grimmjow looked over at Mitsuji, an eyebrow slightly raised. The crimson haired man's face was contorted in confusion and pain and it made him equally confused. Never had he seen such a look on that normally aloof and smug face.

"Maybe I'm going crazy." Mitsuji said, catching Grimmjow's attention once again. "I really donno what it is but I do know it started a couple of days before that brat came here. And now it's even worse."

For the first time sense they began walking, Mitsuji looked up at Grimmjow, a now heavy, painful look in his eyes. He attempted a grin or a smirk but it was half hearted as he addressed the Arrancar. "Enough about me. How are your injures? Are they getting any better?"

Grimmjow was the one to sigh now, running a hand through his hair and closing his eyes momentarily. When he opened them again, he looked up at the ceiling as if in deep thought and responded. "They're almost completely healed up. They said to give in a few more days and I'll have all my strength back."

"That's good." Mitsuji said a little too emotionless. "I'm sure that'll make you happy."

"Yeah." Grimmjow nodded, stopping suddenly. Mitsuji walked a few steps ahead before noticing the sudden stop and turning around, a now curious look on his face. "Eh? Grimm, what's wro--"

Before Mitsuji could finish his sentence, Grimmjow had him pinned against the wall, his hand on ether side of his head as he latched on to his neck.

This was nothing new to Mitsuji. He and Grimmjow had screwed around before. So many in fact that he forgotten just how many times. But as Grimmjow licked and sucked his way up his neck, now latching onto his ear, he couldn't help but feel slightly guilty. But... why?

"We've both been having a hard time lately." Grimmjow whispered in the other man's ear. "Lets just skip out on duties today and have some fun, eh? It's been awhile sense we've had the chance to."

Normally, Mitsuji would have been all over the invitation but now he felt his stomach sink and a disturbing sickness creep up from his bowls as Grimmjow groaped him through the thin material. He sighed, resting his now free hands on Grimmjow's shoulders and pushing him back with little resistance. "Sorry Grimm." He said, the same half hearted grin on his face as before. "But I can't right now. I have to watch the brat today but maybe later, okay?"

Grimmjow looked slightly surprised for a moment when Mitsuji had denied him but his normal scowl returned as he buried his hands in his pockets once again and muttered a "whatever". Mitsuji gave another slight apology and continued walking again, leaving Grimmjow to lean against the white marble all and sigh in frustration.

Mitsuji was acting strange ever sense Ichigo had come around, always turning Grimmjow away and locking himself in his room for hours on end doing god knows what. He even turned him away for sex, a dead turn on in Grimmjow's mind. He sighed again and grumbled before kicking the floor with a screech of his shoes across the marble and walking the opposite direction Mitsuji had gone.

"Damn Shinigami brat." He growled to himself. "He won't beat me a second time."

-/-/-/-

Ichigo sat up in bed, his hands folded neatly on his lap as the covers still draped over his pale legs. His eyes focused on his hands and occasionally would fiddle his thumbs but not often. This is how he sat and what he did for the past three days.

Ichigo's time was now spent, counting the ticking second on the clock, both towards Mitsuji's arrival and his departure. The man was late today, a subject that allowed Ichigo's mind to think partially of another subject before returning to tick of the wall clock across the room. Just as he had felt nothing, he was now nothing.

When Mitsuji would arrive, they said nothing but and occasional word to each other and sat through the silence, both battling their own personal demons. The day after Mitsuji declared he hated him, Ichigo was shocked to see him walk through the door. Mitsuji said it was his responsibility to watch him now and nothing more, resulting in this Seventy-Two hour long stalemate they seemed to be caught in.

Now Ichigo listened intently as the muffled sound of foot step could be heard, no doubt belonging to the object of his desire and torture. There was the clicking and sound of gears cranking before the door opened.

It was but of course Mitsuji. Ichigo knew so he didn't bother to look but instead made a small feeble noise that resembled a "hi" and fiddled his thumbs again.

Mitsuji gave a "Hn" and sat down in his normal seat next to the door, his arms crossed, his face watching Ichigo intently although he already knew the boy would do nothing.

This is how their greetings went for the past three day so Ichigo didn't think anything of it but as the seconds turned to minutes, Ichigo felt a strong emotion pulsing through Mitsuji's reiatsu. It wasn't only that feeling. It was as if something was calling to him, trying to reach out to him. He closed his eyes and breathed in and out deeply, trying to reach out to the feeling with his own drained reiatsu. There was a twinge at his heart and his mind before he felt himself relax against the pillows, his eyes closed. If anyone didn't know any better, they would have thought he was sleeping but he was far from it.

Ichigo heard and felt his name being called out to him. The first thoughts that ran through his head was the possibility of it being Zangetsu but it in no way sounded like the old man. No, this voice was indeed an old man but unlike Zangetsu was like that of a wise monk. There was another voice too. It hissed like a snake and seemed to be the one of the two that was fixed on insulting him to get his attention.

Ichigo reached out with his reiatsu again, his heart and mind once again twinging painfully. It was so close... He was almost there! If only...

"_Kurosaki Ichigo!"_

Yes! There it was! He'd reached it, he got it! _Yes! I'm Kurosaki Ichigo, who is this?!_

There was a momentary silence and Ichigo had thought he'd lost it again before...

"_Kurosaki Ichigo, we need your help."_ The voices said in unison.

_Yes, but who are you?_ Ichigo asked again.

"_We are Zabimaru."_ The old man said, answering Ichigo's question. _"Yeah, the good for nothing's zanpakutou."_ That time it was the punk who had spoken.

_Zabimaru...? So that means--!_

"_Yes."_ Zabimaru (the old man) answered, cutting Ichigo off. _"The one you now know as Mitsuteru Mitsuji is indeed a result of tampering with Renji's soul body."_

Ichigo felt his heart leap in his chest. He knew Renji was in there somewhere but to hear it confirmed made a surge of hope spread throughout. _So Renji... His memories... What happened?_

"_It seems they have been suppressed. He remembers nothing about being Abarai Renji or you or Soul Society. He's completely convened he's an Arrancar and that this is where he belongs."_ Zabimaru paused, feeling Ichigo's sudden wave of sorrow. _"Don't worry. There's still hope. Renji is still in there."_

Ichigo would have sighed in relief and put a hand to his chest but he remembered that Mitsuji was watching him so continued to settle against the pillows as if nothing had changed. _You said you needed help._ Ichigo said, remembering the nue's previous words. _What do you need me for?_

"_If I'm not mistaken, you were very close to Renji, were you not?"_

Ichigo gulped and nodded mentally. _Y-Yeah but--_

"_We're doing all we can do here. It seems we still can't reach him though, he's too damn stubborn. We've tried to reach him and even return his memories but it's no use. You're the only one who can reach him now, Berry boy."_ Ichigo recognized that voice as the punk but even the nick name didn't get to him.

Renji was still _alive_. There was still _hope_. Ichigo let those thoughts play over in his mind a few times before once again nodding mentally and gulping once again, his resolve steeling. _Okay._ He continued to nod. _I'll try my best to bring Renji back. I'll help you out._

"_Thank you." _Zabimaru said and then was gone.

Ichigo opened his eyes slowly, pulling out of his trance. He breathed deeply and slowly for a few moments, his head suddenly feeling light. His heart beat in his chest and without caring about the watching eyes upon him, gripped his chest. He sighed, a slight smile on his lips.

It was the best he'd felt in weeks. He had hope now, he had purpose. Renji was alive and now so was he. He thanked Zabimaru subconsciously although the nue had long gone and turned towards Mitsuji, not expecting what he saw.

Mitsuji was slumped over in his chair, his arms crossed, his head tilted to the side. His eyes were closed and the heavy breathing of the man told Ichigo he was asleep.

Ichigo smiled and slowly, carefully, quietly swung his legs off the bed and out from under the covers. He stood slowly, his body weak from lack of exercise and made his way to the sleeping man, a sheet in hand. He lifted Mitsuji's head into a less painful position and wrapped the blanket around him, tucking it behind his back to keep it in place and under the man's legs.

Mitsuji muttered and groaned but never awoke. When he was settled in, Ichigo moved in front of Mitsuji and cupped his cheek in his hand, stroking ever so lightly with his thumb.

"I'll get you back, Renji. I promise."

Then Ichigo leaned in very slowly and softly kissed Mitsuji's lips, sealing the promise to Renji and himself. He continued to hold Mitsuji's face for a while longer before hugging him lightly and settling down on the floor against the man's legs, holding his hand in his.

_I promise..._

-/-/-/-

**A/N:** Yay! I did it! Sorry it took so long, guys! I've been bust with life, ya know? Well, I was gonna write more but I'll save it for the beginning of the next chapter.

If you guys think I'm mean to Ichigo now, just you wait! Torture and rape and molestation... mwahahaha...

If it possible I'm a little TOO mean to the fagot? eh... NAH! XD Sorry but Ichigo just ticks me off! Freakin' emo...

Well, I'll try to write and update more and sooner! I'm not dead, just Lazy!!


	7. a rescue plan and Mitsuji's emotions

**Title: **Forsaken

**Author:** Tara Kitaide

**genre:** romance/angst/tragedy

**Pairing:** Renji x Ichigo/Grimmjow x Renji

**Disclaimer: **Wouldn't it be so cool to own bleach? Unfortunately, I don't. If I did, there'd be hot yaoi smut every chapter.

**Warning: **Yaoi, language, fantasy violence

**Rating: **M for possible yaoi scenes

**Dedication: **To my fans! I love you all!

-/-/-/-

To say the soul society was in an uproar would be an understatement. Sense the death of the Sixth Division's Vice Capitan and disappearance of Substitute Shinigami Kurosaki Ichigo, all of the Thirteen court guard squads were frantically busy, not to mention emotionally distraught. Despite Yamamoto-sou-taichou's strong discouragement, search parties were sent throughout the human world, looking for any and all traces of Kurosaki Ichigo's reiatsu. While no trace of _Ichigo's_ reiatsu was found, there was another; _Ichimaru_ _Gin's_.

This new piece of information shone light on the case in favor of the theory Kurosaki Ichigo had been taken against his will. This was not all that was found though. In the sixth division where former vice capitan Abarai Renji's, zanpakutō was stolen, there was an ominous reiatsu. Not many were allowed in this area except for the 12th division but when Rukia Kuchiki expected the sight under her capitan's command, she recognized the reiatsu as none other then Abarai Renji's.

This brought even more questions about. At first Rukia was shot down for her Accusations but the stronger she insisted and the more people who recognized the fading spirit energy as Renji's backed her up, it now became a theory that Abarai Renji might still be alive.

It was on this account that Rukia Kuchiki was heading with her Capitan to a meeting of the divisions. It was to be decided once and for all the status of Abarai Renji's well being and his placement in the court guard squads.

When Rukia and Ukitake entered the meeting hall, there was nothing but dead silence. The capitans stood on one side as their vice capitans stood on another, facing one another. Rukia took her place next to Nemu and gave a half smile down the row to Rikichi who had been acting as Renji's replacement for the time being. Rikichi smiled back half heartedly and waved his hand in a simple hello before straightening back up and awaiting the Capitan General to begin the meeting.

"As it seems, all are now present." Yamamoto's voice boomed, startling a few of the Vice Capitans. "We may now begin." Yamamoto opened one ever closed eye and looked at Mayuri who returned the gaze with a nod.

"As you all know, we are here to discuss the odd occurrences lately regarding former fukutaichou of squad Six, Abarai Renji." Mayuri paused and heads bobbed up and down silently in understanding. "Up until a few days ago, it was believed that Abarai was killed in the line of duty. Evidence now shows this may not be so."

The lights in the room then dimmed as a small hole opened in the floor between capitan and vice capitan. From the hole, a light shone through revealing a projection of what appeared to be a DNA strand with slight modifications.

"This is a partical of Abarai's reiatsu in a crystallized, physical form. Notice how the outer layers are smooth as is with a Shinigami's. The inner layers are all Abarai's original traits, what makes his reiatsu unique. Now look at the particals found at the scene..."

The diagram moved over to the left and another one appeared beside it, looking almost identical to the diagram next to it.

"As you see, the outer layers are rather rough, unlike a shinigami's. They're jagged and give off a sharp presence but as you also may notice, the inner strands of the particals remain the same."

There was a momentary pause and as Mayuri was ready to continue, he was interrupted by Rukia as she took a slight step forward. "I'm sorry, Kurosutochi-taichou but I'm not quite sure what you're getting at. Regardless of how the outer layer looks, it's still Renji's reiatsu none the less isn't it? What does--"

"So very rude of you, girl. I was just getting to that part now keep quiet and listen."

Rukia shut her mouth and suppressed a sigh as she took a step back into her place.

"Now... as I was saying... Yes, this new reiatsu does indeed belong to Abarai but it's been altered. The outer layer indicates he is no longer shinigami yet he isn't a hollow. Meaning Abarai is now an Arrancar."

There were a series of gasps and mummers throughout the room. Rukia's eyes widened and she let out a small gasp but stayed relatively still as the weight of the words sunk in, leaving a heavy feeling in her chest. The whispers escalated to semi shouting matches but were ended quickly as Yamamoto thrust down his cane.

"Silence! All of you! That is quite enough!"

The room became quiet and all eyes fixed on Yamamoto as the projection sank back into the floor.

"Now, as Kuchiki-fukutaichou witnessed, Abarai Renji had indeed been killed by Ichimaru Gin." The Capitan Commander's eyes opened and flickered from person to person as he spoke. "But it seems Aizen Sōsuke once again had a part in this. Regarding the information provided, we have no choice but to assume Abarai Renji has turned his back on the soul society. From now on, he is an enemy to us! Is that understood?"

Many people in the room's eyes widened but nodded none the less or mutter a small "yes". Rukia however, after a few moments recovering from the second blow to her heart, stepped out like before but between the rows of officers.

"Y-Yamamoto-sou-taichou! P-Please reconsider!! Renji would never turn his back on us! I know he wouldn't! This has to be some sort of mistake or trick! I know it!"

"Kuchiki Rukia," Yamamoto looked down into the girl's frantic eyes as he spoke. "My decision on the mater stays. Now silence your self and return to your place--"

"No! I won't be silent! Please! You have to listen to me, Renji would never do this! Renji's--"

"Ukitake, Control your vice capitan at once."

"--always been faithful! He would never join that bastard! What if he was turned against his will?! What if they used the remains of his reiatsu and the Hogyoku to--"

"Rukia! That's quiet enough!"

Ukitake seized Rukia from behind and tried to calm her but she struggled in his grasp as she persisted. "This isn't Renji! Aizen's done something to him! He's still Renji! Please, sir! Let me and a group of shinigami go and we'll bring back both Ichigo and Renji!"

"And what if you are wrong? What if Kurosaki Ichigo has joined forces with Aizen Sōsuke after all?"

"They wouldn't do that! Certainly not Ichigo! I swear it to you! Ichigo would never--"

"That's enough, Rukia! Let it go!"

"But Taichou--"

"Let it go, I said!"

Rukia continued to struggle against her capitan's hold and continue on but it didn't last for she was dragged out of the meeting hall, all the while begging and pleading with the Capitan Commander.

Once out side and far from the meeting hall, Rukia stopped and collapsed against her capitan, heavy sobs escaping her accompanied by tears. She clutched her capitan's robe tight and buried her face in his chest, sob after sob continuing to come. Ukitake wrapped his arms around her small frail body lightly and held her close, rubbing soothing circles across her back in order to calm her.

Rukia looked up at him, her face face streaked with tears and hair slightly matted. "Capitan..." She called as best she could with her broken voice. "Please... Don't tell me it's true... Renji would never--"

"I know, Rukia. Believe me, I know. Ichigo and Renji were two of the best fighters we had. They wouldn't just turn their back on everyone for any reason." Ukitake wiped away her tears but more only came.

"I know..." Rukia sobbed. "It's just... First Renji's _gone_ and now _this_... I just wish there was something I could do..."

"There is."

Rukia's eyes widened slightly and shot back to her capitan, never realizing her gaze had wandered. "C-Capitan...?"

"We will save them Rukia." Ukitake proclaimed, looking down at her with determined eyes and a steel resolve. "We'll drag their asses back here no mater what. We're going to Hueco Mundo."

-/-/-/-

"So..."

Ichigo, as well as Mitsuji, sighed for the umpteenth time as the Arrancar tapped his foot against his position against the wall. For the past hour it had been like this, Ichigo always trying to come up with something to start a conversation but being brushed off by Mitsuji. It was frustrating and not only for Ichigo. Listening to the boy huff and sigh and mumble random things for an hour got on Mitsuji's nerves. He was on his last when--

"Damn it! Just say something already!!" Ichigo burst, throwing his head into his hands in frustration.

"W-What?! You're the one who's sighing and being fuckin' annoying as hell! I don't need to say anything! I have nothing to say to you!" Mitsuji grumbled and crossed his arms.

"It's not my fault! I'm just trying to help!" Ichigo stood and began to advance towards Mitsuji.

"'Help'? I don't need your help for anything! And if you bring up that Renji bastard one more time, I swear I'll—!"

Mitsuji stopped for Ichigo was now standing directly in front of him, their bodies merely inches from each other. He looked down at Ichigo who looked up at him and his eyes involuntarily widened.

Ichigo's eyes were lidded with a distant cloudy look to them. His hands hovered idly above Mitsuji's chest as if wondering whether it was safe to touch him or not. His lips were parted slightly, slight mews and broken words escaping his lips as he tried to find the words to say. Eventually, Ichigo gripped Mitsuji's uniform in his hands, removing the distance between them and pressing their bodies firmly together.

"What...?" Mitsuji tried to speak but he found his throat had suddenly become dry. His heart matched the pounding in his head as Ichigo slowly wrapped his arms tightly around Mitsuji's chest and rest his head against his heart. Mitsuji cleared his throat and tried to speak again but was cut off.

"I can't... say a word about someone when they're obviously standing in front of me." Ichigo said mater-of-factly. He looked up at Mitsuji, a blank, distant, look in his eyes. "Remember, Renji? All those times we trained in Urahara's basement? Or how you comforted me when I told you about my mother? And when you would spend the night at my house... My dad would pick on you a lot..." Ichigo gave a slight chuckle and sighed. "He really kicked your ass..."

Mitsuji felt himself shiver for some reason as Ichigo spoke of "their" memories together. Something began to pull painfully at the back of his mind, making him almost wince in pain and then there was that voice again...

_Come on you idiot! Remember!_

Mitsuji was going to growl and tell them both to shut up, the voice and Ichigo, when the boy shifted to look up at him again. Mitsuji looked down at him and was about to tell him to let him go when, once again, Ichigo's lips were on his in a light kiss.

But this time, without hesitation, Ichigo was rejected.

Mitsuji pushed the orange haired youth away, sending his already frail body tumbling to the ground. Ichigo gave out a small yelp as he landed on his back and sat up almost immediately to stare up at Mitsuji, wide eyed. Mitsuji wiped off his mouth as he had the first time Ichigo kissed him and scowled.

"I thought I told you to stop that, you brat!" He spat angrily. "What the hell's your damn problem? Why can't you just leave me the fuck alone?! I'm not your friend or your ally or your lover and I'm certainly NOT this Renji bastard! How many times do I have to say it so you'll understand?! I. HATE. YOU!"

Mitsuji raised his arm to punch Ichigo and the boy flinched, covering his face and head with his arms while readying himself for the blow. Mitsuji brought his fist down to connect with Ichigo when--

"I'm sorry!!"

Mitsuji stopped his arm in mid-flight, slightly shocked by Ichigo's trembling voice.

Ichigo tucked his head further into his arms and trembled, waiting. "I-I'm sorry..." He whispered again. "I'm sorry... for upsetting you... and getting on your nerves... I-It won't happen again..."

Mitsuji stopped and his fist relaxed and returned to his side. Once again those voices tugged at his mind but it was much easier to ignore them as regret and confusion became his only focus. He looked down at Ichigo who still sat tightly bunched together in fear and sighed.

His heart felt incredibly heavy and he hated it. Hated how no matter how hard he tried to hate Ichigo and push him away, there was always that feeling of regret and sorrow. But he was an arrancar, a hollow. He wasn't suppose to feel these things. He cursed, making Ichigo look up at him and cursed again.

"I can't believe you..."

Ichigo looked at Mitsuji, scared and confused. Wasn't he going to hit him? Beat him? He just stopped and now the man's eyes were covered by his long red hair. He kept his arms close encase he suddenly lashed out but he knew that wouldn't be the case. He could tell, by the look on Mitsuji's face, that he was struggling with himself; fighting against the dark part of his soul that wanted nothing more then to hurt Ichigo severely.

Ichigo was going to call out to him. He was going to stand and try to get through to him, to touch him or even hold him. He was going to but never got the chance for the door opened and a familiar face popped in.

"Oi, Mitsuji!" Grimmjow stopped when he realized something in the room wasn't normal. He looked at Ichigo who was looking at him and then to Mitsuji who hadn't moved a muscle. He called out again but still Mitsuji didn't move.

Grimmjow waited a moment until walking in. Ichigo opened his mouth to say something but stopped when Grimmjow looked at him and told him to be quiet.

Grimmjow stood at Mitsuji's side and put a hand on his shoulder, calling out again. This time Mitsuji snapped out of whatever trance he was in and looked up at Grimmjow, noticing for the first time the sixta espada had entered the room.

"Grimm?" Mitsuji said a little surprised. "What is it?"

Grimmjow used the hand on Mitsuji's shoulder to grab his arm and tugged him towards the door. "Come on, they need us for a meetin'."

Mitsuji didn't look at Ichigo or anywhere else in the room. He focused on Grimmjow and him alone. They were almost out of the door when--

"Renji!"

Ichigo didn't know why he said it or where it had come from. It seemed like a last ditch effort on his part but none the less, he said it. He _had_ to say it.

Mitsuji didn't turn around but his gaze drifted to the floor. He didn't say anything or acknowledge the name, he just stood there for what felt like an unbearable eternity. Grimmjow looked from Mitsuji to Ichigo a few times before resting on Mitsuji and asking him if he was alright. Mitsuji nodded and quickly left the room before Ichigo could say another word.

Grimmjow slammed and locked the door, not that Ichigo would try to get out anyway. Mitsuji stood by his side and it was only after he had slid the key in his pocket and looked at Mitsuji that he noticed tears sliding down the man's face and over the bone mask.

"Mitsuji?!"

Mitsuji didn't say anything but the tears continued to pour down. He wiped at the ones on his cheek and held the wet hand up so he could look at it as if observing some priceless gem. It was odd to see the tears glistening on his hand like that. It was just like before, when he had slapped Ichigo that first time. He cried then after too and he didn't even know why. But now he could feel it. He could feel the pain and weight in his chest that wasn't there before.

He was thrown out of his thoughts once again as Grimmjow took his hand, the wet one, and made him look up at him. Grimmjow looked at his square in the eyes and asked; "Mitsuji... what the hell happened in there?"

Mitsuji looked at Grimmjow a while more, his eyes softening. "Grimm..." He whispered softly. "I don't know... I really don't know... one minute we were just sitting there and then he was sayin' some weird shit and..." He paused and looked down. "I just lost it..."

Grimmjow sighed as he felt Mitsuji begin to tremble. It was odd, seeing someone like Mitsuji crying for no reason. Grimmjow could do nothing but wrap his arms around the redhead and comfort him as best he knew how as hatred grew within him.

_How dare that shinigami brat. How dare he upset my Mitsuji._

Grimmjow kissed Mitsuji's forehead and wiped away his tears. The redhead was not sobbing and never did but held tightly to Grimmjow's top and shivered.

"Are you going to be alright now?" He asked, lifting Mitsuji's face to look at him.

"Yeah, Grimm... I'm fine... Don't know what came over me." He gave a reassuring smile and patted Grimmjow's shoulder. "Now com on. You said we're needed somewhere, right?" Mitsuji was fixing to continue walking when Grimmjow grabbed his arm once again and pulled him into an embrace again, this time kissing him feverishly.

Mitsuji was a little surprised but kissed back regardless. He took no time in wrapping his arms around Grimmjow's neck as Grimmjow had a hand on the back of his neck in turn. Mitsuji relaxed and let Grimmjow support him. It had been so long sense him and Grimmjow kissed, he almost forgot how sweet it was. There were those tugs at the back of his mind and twinges in his heart but he shoved them away and focused on nothing but the sweet sensation as his tounge slid over Grimmjow's.

After a long while, Grimmjow pulled back. Mitsuji's fingers still tangled through the short blue hair and Grimmjow's hand stayed on the back of his neck while the other touched what little bit was exposed of his stomach. Grimmjow grinned and kissed Mitsuji's neck until he reached his ear, nibbling softly and sucking on the sensitive lobe.

"Come back to my place tonight, just you and me. It's been too long sense we've had some time together. Forget about the brat and come with me."

Mitsuji sighed and rest his forehead on Grimmjow's shoulder, nodding slightly and grunting as the espada kissed his neck again. "Okay..." He muttered.

Grimmjow smirked and kissed the nape of his neck again.

_No one can have him but me._ He thought bitterly to himself. _No one but me._

**A/N:** YA-HA!! IT'S FINISHED!! MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

Well... merry Christmas _eve_ that is...

And if yer atheist then Happy Winter Solstice! lol

You might have noticed that I changed the pairing up at the top. This is because SMUT IS ON THE WAY, EVERYONE!! It's my teaser of a christmas gift to you!! And just to prove I'm not lying; here's some of it already typed up!

**MERRY CHRISTMAS!!**

_Mitsuji let his body flop lightly back on the bed as Grimmjow pushed him down, quickly reclaiming the man's lips and straddling his waist. Mitsuji reached out and ran his hands through Grimmjow's short hair, pushing him deeper in his wanting mouth._

_Grimmjow smirked into the kiss, using his own hands to unzip the top of Mitsuji's Arrancar uniform. "You're being awfully needy today, Mitsuji." Grimmjow whispered in Mitsuji's ear, his breath ghosting across his tan skin._

_Mitsuji shivered as Grimmjow licked his ear, biting down with just the right amount of pressure to send another shiver down Mitsuji's spine and elected a small moan. "You like that, eh?"_

_Mitsuji said nothing but nodded slightly, his breathing starting to come in quick, small gasps. Grimmjow's smirk widened. He slid his hands under Mitsuji's top, caressing the tanned, inked skin before latching onto Mitsuji's neck and slowly trailing down._

_It was a familiar action, a familiar scenario, a familiar setting. Mitsuji wasn't a stranger to sex, especially with Grimmjow of all people. After all, Grimmjow was one of the few Arrancar that actually gave something other then an insult or fight challenge when Mitsuji walked in a room or passed them by in the hallway. Grimmjow kissed him, held him, fucked him, loved him. But even so..._

_Mitsuji gave another small gasp and moan as Grimmjow found his nipple, licking and sucking until it was hard. Mitsuji ran his hands through Grimmjow's hair once again and tugged on it in encouragement, now whining as his pants became unbearably tight._

"_Grimm..."_

_Grimmjow lifted his head with one final lick and moved his lips back to Mitsuji's, kissing him lightly. "What is it?"_

_Mitsuji opened his eyes, never realizing they were ever closed, and looked up into Grimmjow's teal eyes. "Grimm..." He repeated. "I want you to fuck me..."_

_Grimmjow scoffed. "Nah, really? Never would have guessed--"_

"_No." Mitsuji sighed. "Please, Grimm. I want you to fuck me until I can't think... I wanna forget everything that's been going on..." **I want to forget him.**_

_Grimmjow's grin slowly disappeared from his face and grew strangely seriously and... sympathetic? Grimmjow nodded slowly, his eye contact with Mitsuji never breaking. "Alright." He said, kissing Mitsuji lightly once again. "But only because you asked so nicely."_

_Mitsuji smiled slightly and Grimmjow smiled in turn. It didn't last long though for they were soon at it again, kissing harder then ever as their hands made quick work of Each other's cloths._

_Grimmjow sat up on his knees and finished removing his top, something Mitsuji was having trouble with. He then dove back down, tugging off the Black obi around Mitsuji's waist with his teeth and grazing over the crimson haired man's erection multiple times, electing a series of gasps and groans from his lover._

"_Nngh... Grimm..."_

_Grimmjow grinned and slid Mitsuji's bottoms down to his ankles, leaving his lover's hard on painfully in the open for Hueco Mundo wasn't big on human undergarments._

_Mitsuji gasped as Grimmjow's breath ghosted over the insides of his thighs and across his member, coming dangerously close yet straying out of reach each time._

"_G-Grimm!" Mitsuji wined, his hands flying to Grimmjow's head once again. "Oh god, please! Just do it already!"_

_Grimmjow chuckled lightly and let his tounge flicker over the tip of Mitsuji's member, earning a moan and a gasp in the process. "Nu-uh." He teased. "I wanna hear you say it. Tell me what you want."_

_Mitsuji gasped again as Grimmjow delivered another teasing lick, digging his blunt fingernails into the Espada's scalp. "Oh, HELL! Grimmjow, please! Just do it already! I can't take it!"_

"_Just tell me what you want." Grimmjow repeated, reaching up to massage his lover's scrotum. "You know how to make me stop."_

_Mitsuji gasped and huffed, his senses overwhelmed at the dual sensations he was receiving. Grimmjow licked his member once again from base to tip and that was just about all he could take. "Grimmjow, please blow me!"_

_Said man smirked and gripped the base of his lover's erection, still fondling him as he went. "Thought you'd never ask." Then, after giving the tip one final lick, he dived down and took Mitsuji's cock in his mouth, swallowing him whole as he began to suck._

THAT'S ALL YOU GET NOW, GREEDY!! XD MERRY CHRISTMAS! (or winter solstice! lolz!)


	8. Make me forget, Rescue mission begin!

**Title: **Forsaken

**Author:** Tara Kitaide

**genre:** romance/angst/tragedy

**Pairing:** Renji x Ichigo/Grimmjow x Renji

**Disclaimer: **Wouldn't it be so cool to own bleach? Unfortunately, I don't. If I did, there'd be hot yaoi smut every chapter.

**Warning: **Yaoi, language, fantasy violence

**Rating: **M for possible yaoi scenes

**Dedication: **To my fans! I love you all!

-/-/-/-

"Mitsuji-kun, you're finally here."

Mitsuji looked up at the throne he knew would be occupied by Aizen. The evil man smiled down at him with that sickly devious smile that he gave all the Arrancar. "You needed me, sir?" Mitsuji's voice dripped with loathing and it must have showed. Grimmjow looked at him for a moment out of the corner of his eye and he could feel Ulquiorra's glare burn into him.

"What's wrong Mitsuji-kun? You don't look so good." Aizen asked with false sympathy.

Mitsuji knew he must have been a wreak. He was sure his eyes were red and even his hair must have been messy but right now, all he cared about was getting out of there. Mitsuji glared at Aizen. He wouldn't bother responding.

"Ah, he's fine. We were just doing some training earlier and I beat him. He's still pissed." Grimmjow covered for him.

"I see. You should know better then to pout, Mitsuji-kun." Even though Aizen said this, Mitsuji knew he didn't buy it. The bastard knew everything that went on, why shouldn't he know about this?

"Now that we are all here," Aizen started. "There has been some changes."

Mitsuji's ears perked at this. He couldn't help but ask. "What sort of changes?"

Aizen rest his head against his hand and smirked. "Changes regarding you, Mitsuji-kun."

Mitsuji didn't like the sound of that. It made his skin crawl. "Me?"

"Yes, you." Mitsuji could see the amused glint in Aizen's eyes as he spoke. What he wouldn't give to wipe that smug look off his face. "As of now, Kurosaki Ichigo is under your watch." Mitsuji nodded miserably. "Well as of now, I'm putting him under Grimmjow's watch. I need you for other matters."

Mitsuji's eyes grew big as Aizen's smirk seemed to grow. He looked down, a sick feeling now in the pit of his stomach and a heavy weight on his chest. Grimmjow watched as Mitsuji gulped uneasily. Mitsuji knew the nature of Grimmjow's obsession with the young Shinigami. All Grimmjow focused on, all Grimmjow trained for, was to kill Ichigo. Mitsuji had never seen the two go at it but he knew from what he heard of their previous fight that allowing Grimmjow to live was the biggest mistake Ichigo could have ever made.

"Oi! Mitsuji!"

Mitsuji snapped out of it when Grimmjow elbowed his side, whispering harshly. He looked at Grimmjow, his eyes still slightly wide before scanning the room quickly to find all eyes on him.

He cleared his throat and closed his eyes, regaining his composure. Grimmjow looked at him and couldn't help but feel worried but his worry was overwhelmed by something much stronger. Excited was too tame a word. Thrilled, ecstatic, anxious, there was no word to describe how great he felt. Adrenaline pumped through his veins just thinking of fighting the orange-haired shinigami. He would kill that brat. He would tear him apart piece by piece, limb by limb. Then Mitsuji would forget all about the brat and go back to the way he use to be. Thing would be back to the way they were suppose to be.

"Yes sir." Mitsuji said. His voice was strong but Grimmjow detected the slight tremor in it. "Understood."

"Good. You two are dismissed. The rest of us have... _other_ matters to discuss."

Mitsuji turned abruptly before Aizen had even completed his sentence, not even bothering to bow or nod. He needed to get out of there and soon or he would break. Possibly even lash out at that smug bastard smirking down at him and he didn't not want to face off against every Espada and Arrancar in the room.

Grimmjow wasn't far behind him. They were walking through the door, all eyes on their backs when Aizen spoke out, stopping them.

"Grimmjow." He said. Grimmjow looked over his shoulder at Aizen but Mitsuji didn't bother. "I'm counting on you a great deal. Don't get too... _carried_ _away_."

Mitsuji's skin crawled, the way Aizen pronounced those words. He felt sick again. Almost like someone was chocking him.

Grimmjow nodded and turned back around. "Yes sir."

Mitsuji looked at Grimmjow and his sickened feeling was replaced by a high amount of fear.

The Sexta Espada had that malicious grin on his face. His eyes confirmed Mitsuji's fears. It was the same grin, same look, as when he had first layed eyes on Ichigo after punching out Rukia. It was the same look as when Grimmjow fought Ichigo a second time in the human world, almost blowing off Rukia's head when she tried to help, and it was the same look he gave when he fought Ichigo in his released form. It was the desire and lust to fight, to kill.

All Mitsuji could do was look away as worry coiled in his gut and follow Grimmjow out of that horrid room.

-/-/-/-

Grimmjow was on a euphoric high of adrenaline. His heartbeat was pounding in his ears, the adrenaline rushing through his veins pushed him to walk faster. There were several times when Mitsuji had to run to catch up to him but Grimmjow didn't notice. His mind was set on Ichigo, going through all the possible scenarios of the shinigami's torture. He wouldn't let the brat off easy... no, Aizen still wanted him alive but that didn't mean he couldn't have some fun with him.

He wanted to train but he knew Mitsuji was in no shape to spare and he had to start his watch on the kid soon so he didn't have much time. That was okay though. He knew another way he could relieve himself.

Grimmjow looked back at Mitsuji and smiled a little. It was no longer that crazy malicious grin from before but Mitsuji could still see that dangerous glint in Grimmjow's eyes. He looked down and followed quietly.

"Oi, Mitsuji." Grimmjow fell back a little, now walking beside Mitsuji instead of in front of him. "Come on, what's with the long face? I thought you'd be relieved."

Mitsuji sighed and opened his mouth but all that came out was a grunt. He looked up and then back down before shaking his head.

"Mitsuji?" Grimmjow put a hand on his shoulder and stopped him. Mitsuji didn't look up at him. He was sure he'd still see that look in the Espada's eyes. "Oi! Mitsuji! What the hell's yer problem?"

Mitsuji opened his mouth again but this time only a sigh came out. He shook his head but this time spoke. "It's really nothing Grimm. I'm just tired from before."

"Bullshit." Grimmjow scoffed. "Just tell me now and get it off your chest."

Mitsuji fell silent, his eyes focused on the perfectly cut square tiles that made up the floor. He still felt sick just thinking about it. First the brat crying, him almost striking him, and now the change in Grimmjow. It was all happening fast. Way too fast for him.

"Don't tell me," Grimmjow growled. Mitsuji could detect what almost sounded like disgust in the Espada's voice. "that you're _worried_?"

The word caught Mitsuji off guard. Worried? Was he worried? There was really no other way to explane it but why should he be worried? He hated that damn brat! Why should he care whether or not he got hurt... or died...

Mitsuji looked up at Grimmjow and they were both surprised at the look in each other's eyes.

Grimmjow's desire to kill and destroy was still there as well as anger but there was a little of something else. Something Mitsuji never thought he'd seen in the blue haired Espada before. There was worry and even jealousy. Not only that, but if Mitsuji wasn't mistaken, that shine in his eyes... that was _love_...

Mitsuji's eyes had changed as well from the normal cocky coolness. He had a look of absolute sorrow and not only in his eyes but his face too. The dark lines under his eyes and paleness of his skin showed signs of stress. There was also confusion, anger and... worry...

Grimmjow reached out and ran a hand through Mitsuji's long crimson hair. It seemed as though even it was losing it's shine. Mitsuji sighed and looked down again but his chin was seized by Grimmjow's other hand. It slowly lifted his face up to Grimmjow's, their lips now centimeters apart.

"Come on." Grimmjow said lightly against Mitsuji's lips. "let's go back to my place. Just the two of us."

Mitsuji nodded and closed his eyes. He knew it was no use trying to talk Grimmjow out of anything. "Let's go then."

In an instant, they were flash-stepping down the hall, still holding on to each other. Grimmjow's place wasn't too far away anyway. After all, they had been walking for quite some time and Grimmjow kept walking so fast he might as well had been running. When they stopped just outside the door, Grimmjow had to let go of Mitsuji to fish for his key. He cursed and stomped his foot until he had found it, quickly sticking it in and turning the lock. He walked in first but held the door open as Mitsuji came in.

The red head sat on Grimmjow's bed. This room, he noted, was not too different from Ichigo's or his own. It seemed the former shinigami capitan had absolutely no sense of fashion or individuality and favored white above all else. It was rather depressing.

Grimmjow turned on a light next to the bed, the yellow light shining oddly bright in the dim gray room. Mitsuji hung his head, looking idly down at his hands as Grimmjow rummaged around. He wanted to ask despite his fear of the answer. He couldn't help but worry about Ichigo and it killed him because he didn't know _why_. He didn't know why he cared so much or worried about his well being but it pissed him off. Maybe he really was...

Mitsuji shook his head, clearing his thoughts. _No!_ He thought angrily to himself. _No, no, no! I'm NOT that Renji fucker! My name is Mitsuji! Mitsuteru Mitsuji! I'm an Arrancar, not a shinigami!_

Grimmjow came back from whatever he was doing and stood in front of Mitsuji. Mitsuji slowly looked up at him, scanning his beautiful image before looking Grimmjow in the eyes. Grimmjow smirked down at him but it was half-hearted. "Are you okay?" He asked even though he already knew the answer.

Mitsuji nodded and lied down, sighing from the relief on his back. Grimmjow took the hint and crawled into bed with him, hovering sensuously over the redhead. "It's been a long damn time." Grimmjow said, placing a kiss on Mitsuji's neck. "I don't think I'll be able to go slow."

Mitsuji chuckled and buried a hand in Grimmjow's hair. "That's fine. Not like you're gonna break me, I ain't fragile." He sighed and rolled his head to the side, allowing Grimmjow better access. "You don't have to go easy Grimmjow, do whatever you want to me."

Grimmjow looked up at him, his groin beginning to swelling with excitement at those words. "Anything?" Mitsuji nodded and Grimmjow grinned. "So I can fuck you from behind or against the wall or even fuck your face?"

"Yes." Mitsuji took Grimmjow's hand and licked his fingers, running the calloused tips over his bottom lip. "Fuck me however you want Grimmjow, where ever you want. Just do something for me?"

Grimmjow groaned when Mitsuji's tounge poked out from behind his lips to lap at his fingers. He looked at Mitsuji was clouded lustful eyes and nodded. "Anything."

Mitsuji paused and kissed Grimmjow's lips hard. "Fuck me hard." He whispered against the Espada's lips. "Fuck me so hard it hurts. Fuck me until I can't think. Fuck me until I forget... forget everything else..." _Until I forget him..._

Grimmjow groaned and attached to Mitsuji's mouth, roughly shoving his tounge in. Mitsuji sighed into Grimmjow's mouth and returned the pressure, running his hand through the man's hair and pushing him in deeper. He needed something to get away from it all and what Grimmjow was providing was more then adequate.

"Alright." The Espada grinned. "Just as long as you keep talking like that. It's fuckin' hot."

Mitsuji groaned as Grimmjow sent open mouth kisses down his neck. His mind became clouded with lust until he couldn't think straight. Grimmjow made his way to the hole in Mitsuji's neck, identical to the one Ulquiorra wore. He licked around the rim like he would a glass and slipped his tounge inside. This always proved to be the most sensitive part of Mitsuji.

In seconds, the Red head was gripping the sheets, his hard on straining against the folds of his uniform. Grimmjow tweaked both of his nipples while he continued his licking. Mitsuji gave a low deep moan before whining and pushing against Grimmjow's head.

"You're so needy." The Espada grinned. "What is it you want? You want this?" He reached down and squeezed Mitsuji's erection, earning a strangled moan.

Mitsuji opened his eyes which stayed heavily lidded. He licked his lips and rolled his head to the side, groaning. "Grimmjow..."

"I can't hear you." Grimmjow moved his hand up Mitsuji's cock once. The tortured Red head groaned again before trying to form a coherent thought.

"Please... Grimm, _please._"

"Please what?"

Mitsuji gave a frustrated groan and covered his face with his hands. "You're such an ass hole!"

"Oh, so is that how you feel?" Grimmjow teased. "If that's the case," He lifted his hand from Mitsuji's cock. "I guess you really don't want--"

"NO! Grimmjow, fuck me now damn it! Just don't stop!"

"Oh. Okay then. You should have said so."

Mitsuji glared at him lazily before taking his shirt off. It was much like Grimmjow's only longer and zipped up to the point where you could only see his tattoos. After making work of his top, he tugged on Grimmjow's which came off much easier.

When their tops were off, Mitsuji was relieved to feel the skin to skin contact. The heat radiating off Grimmjow's body was a welcome wake up call for his senses. He could run his hands down Grimmjow's back and grip his hips with ease. In some part of his mind, Mitsuji realized his pants were being untied but he didn't pay any mind. He just kept trying to get closer to the sweet friction Grimmjow's cock was providing.

Grimmjow smirked at Mitsuji's feeble attempts. It was amusing to watch him so whoreishly try to thrust himself into his cock. Grimmjow ground back a few times to keep him on edge but never would he let him win, This was Grimmjow's game and they'd play it by his rules.

When he tugged down Mitsuji's pants, he laughed at the squeaks and whimpers the other produced. He made short work of his own pants before grinding himself into Mitsuji who moaned loudly.

"Grimmjow... oh, please don't stop..." Mitsuji tossed his head, throwing his arms above him where they were caught in one hand by Grimmjow. Mercilessly, he was thrust against over and over. He was getting close but it was too soon. He had to will himself not to come.

"You're such a whore, Mitsuji. Look at you. You just can't wait until my cock's in your ass, can you?" Grimmjow breathed. "Such a slut."

Mitsuji groaned and kept thrusting harder, faster. Of course he wanted Grimmjow inside him. Anything to forget the pain. Anything to keep his mind at bay. "Please, Grimmjow." He begged. "I need it, Grimmjow please. Fuck me now."

"Well, sense you asked so nicely..." Grimmjow lifted Mitsuji's ass and aligned himself with his puckering hole. The red head gasped and looked at him with fear. "You said you wanted it to hurt." Grimmjow reminded him. "I don't go back on my promises."

Mitsuji laid back down and nodded. "Yes." He sighed. "Please, Grimmjow."

"Thatta boy." Grimmjow slapped his ass.

Mitsuji whimpered, preparing himself for the pain to come. When Grimmjow began to slowly move himself inside, it hurt ever so slightly but as he got deeper and deeper, the pain became more evident. He gasped and squirmed, covering his eyes to hide the tears that rushed to his eyes. "Don't stop moving, Grimmjow, just fuck me!"

"Easy for you to say." The Sexta Espada moaned. "You're so fucking tight I don't think I can move."

Mitsuji tried to relax a little but it didn't help much. After several minutes, Grimmjow began moving his hips roughly. Mitsuji gasped and groaned but not for long. Amidst the mind numbing pain there was pleasure threading through him. It was heightened when Grimmjow succeeded in pounding his prostate a few times.

"Nn! Grimmjow, harder!" He moaned.

Grimmjow grunted and bit Mitsuji's neck. His own orgasm was fast approaching. He began adding speed and force to his thrusts, making Mitsuji cry out again and again.

Instantly, bright orange hair and chocolate brown eyes came into his mind. He knew what he was thinking. He knew at that moment he'd want nothing more to be pounding into that tight heat. The kid was probably still a virgin too. Oh how he wanted...

Mitsuji shook his head and forced himself to look up at Grimmjow whose eyes were clenched closed in pleasure. No. He couldn't be thinking of _him. _He didn't want to think about fucking him or being fucked in return. He didn't want to think about _his_ face as he came or imagine kissing _him_ like Grimmjow was now kissing him. He didn't...

_Stop it, stop it, stop it! _

Mitsuji's thought's were momentarily forgotten as Grimmjow wrapped his hand around his erection and pumped it. It wasn't long after though that this new sensation heightened his fantasies and made him moan. _Ichigo! _He screamed in his head, unable to erase his name. _Ichigo, Ichigo, Ichigo!_

He wanted so bad to scream it out but forced himself not to. Grimmjow would probably stop if he did. He found himself uttering unrecognizable syllables instead, an adequate substitute. "Haa...Iii... Ich...go..."

With a scream and that shook his body, Mitsuji tightened around Grimmjow and spilled over both of their chests. It wasn't long before Grimmjow came after him, growling Mitsuji's name twice.

Mitsuji lay painting. His head began swirling with ecstasy. It wasn't hard to get caught up in this high and forget all his previous thoughts. It also wasn't hard to forget where he was and the control he'd held before.

Grimmjow fell onto Mitsuji, still deep inside. His breath began to even out as he breathed in deep Mitsuji's sent. With a clean hand, he ran his fingers though the vibrant red hair and across the smooth bone mask. Gently he kissed his lover's neck.

It was a whisper, not even that, but Grimmjow's sharp ears caught it. As Mitsuji lay with his eyes closed, he let out a quiet whimper hat made Grimmjow's blood boil.

"Ichigo..." 

-/-/-/-

"Everyone is ready sir."

Ukitake looked up at Rukia from Kaien's shrine and nodded. He turned back to the shrine and bowed. He knew it didn't do any good to pray to someone he knew wasn't there. Kaien's soul was practically eaten by the hollow. There was no way it could have been re-incarnated or gone back through the system but it gave him piece of mind. He was sure Rukia felt the same was as he watched the small girl come to kneel next to him.

"Nii-sama said Rikichi volunteered." Rukia spoke in a soft voice as she faced the shrine. "Hitsugaya-taichou, Kyoraku-taichou, and Zaraki-taichou are ready as well as Hanataro Yamada with the fourth squad. Urahara has the gate ready to go. It's just a matter of opening the gate without Yamamoto-sou-taichou's notice."

"That will not be a problem." Ukitake bowed his head before standing. "I've already sent a notice that the gate is to be opened. Only the second squad knows this and SoiFon-taichou is on our side. We leave soon."

"Yes, sir." She nodded to her capitan before bowing to the shrine and standing. "Sir... what if Renji and Ichigo... what if they're--"

"Then we'll attempt to rescue Orihime Inoue and whatever is left of them. If they have... become experiments of Aizen's, we have no choice but to... be sure they don't cause the soul society harm."

Rukia's heart leapt in pain at that. She knew if worse came to worse then she'd have no choice. She'd have to kill a friend... again...

"I don't think I can do that taichou." She whispered.

"I know." Ukitake touched her shoulder and looked at her with sympathy. "You don't have to this time Rukia. If it comes to that, Byakuya or I will take care of it."

Rukia looked from her taichou to the shrine of her ex-fukutaichou. She nodded as her resolve strengthened. "No. Taichou. I'll do it."

Ukitake looked at her for a long while before nodding and gathering his Zampaku-to, fitting it in the sash under his capitan's robe. "Let's go, Rukia. We'll save them not matter what." 

-/-/-/-

All was accounted for at the gate as Rukia and her Taichou arrived followed by Shunsui Kyoraku. All eyes were turned to them as well as grins from a few.

Rikichi and Hanataro were smiling at Rukia who walked to them and smiled as well. The young medic touched her arm in sympathy. Rukia thanked him quietly.

"Alright! Time to go slay some Arrancar and save that punk Ichigo's ass." Kenpatchi was grinning but Yachiru was asleep on his back. They had arranged to leave very early in the morning.

"If all goes right." Ukitake agreed.

Byakuya looked at his sister but said nothing, cool and collected as usual. Rikichi could tell his real concerns though. The third seat looked at Ukitake and added "Renji-san too! We have to bring him back as well."

"Yes, and Abarai-fukutaichou." the white haired man agreed. "We'll both bring them back no matter what."

There was a tense moment of silence before the gates creaked and slowly began to open, revealing the path to the human world.

Rukia's heart beat painfully in her chest. Soon they would be taken to Hueco Mundo by Urahara and after that, the future was unclear. Would Ichigo and Renji be alive? Would they be them? What if they died? What is _she _died? What if not everyone came back in one piece? What if they failed?

Rikichi, sensing Rukia's worry, grabbed her hand and held it tightly. "Renji-san is alive and waiting for us. Ichigo-san too. We're going to bring them back, Rukia-san. Don't worry."

Rukia smiled at him again like before and nodded. "Yes. Thank you, Rikichi-san."

The boy grinned before letting her hand go and walking through the gate to the human world with the rest of the shinigami.

**A/N: **Sorry this take an incredibly long time. When it comes to writing smut, my brain freezes and I wanted this one to be good.

I'm watching United Flight 93 with my mom so I'm constantly running between the computer and T.V to write this so I'm sorry if it's bad. lol I know it's been about a year sense I wrote this but... eh...

Much love!

Tara Kitaide


	9. Torture

**Title: **Forsaken

**Author:** Tara Kitaide

**genre:** romance/angst/tragedy

**Pairing:** Renji x Ichigo/Grimmjow x Renji

**Disclaimer: **Wouldn't it be so cool to own bleach? Unfortunately, I don't. If I did, there'd be hot yaoi smut every chapter.

**Warning: **Yaoi, language, fantasy violence

**Rating: **M for possible yaoi scenes

**Dedication: **To my fans! I love you all!

-/-/-/-

Mitsuji groaned and opened his eyes. He was sweaty and sticky and sore all over from previous activities. He sat up and pushed the sheet off of him. He was alone in the room. Grimmjow had left. "He has to watch the kid starting today." He reminded himself. Mitsuji sighed and ran a hand through his damp hair. "Could have at least woken me up."

The arrancar couldn't remember how many times they had done it afterwards. Grimmjow pounded into him and found release within so many times that the younger arrancar lost count. Mitsuji recalled that sick animalistic look in his lovers eyes and shivered. Grimmjow had marked him and made him bleed many times over. At the memory, Mitsuji felt his neck where most of the skin was dark and abused. "Great, Idiot. How am I gonna cover up these?" He growled although he knew Grimmjow couldn't hear him.

Reluctantly, he dragged his sore bottom out of bed and headed for Grimmjow's shower. A nice long bath would do him good after being in such a state for so long.

With a squeak the water came on and sprayed down. It was cold at first so he spun the hot water knob. When it was just right, he stepped in and sighed in contentment. Mitsuji wasn't a neat nick or anything of the sort but he did love taking showers. He just wished he had another body to share it with.

For some reason that thought made him think again about Ichigo again. He growled and put a hand to his wet hair to try and erase the thought. He shouldn't feel guilty but he did and not only that. He felt horrible beyond relief now that he thought of it. He shouldn't though, should he? He had been with Grimmjow so many times already and never felt bad before.

He briefly saw an image in his mind of the orange haired brat. This couldn't be his own memory because Ichigo was smiling and laughing. He had never seen the boy smile none the less laugh. On top of that, they were no where in Hueco Mundo. He could tell by the sun and trees that it could not have been Hueco Mundo. But if it wasn't here then where?

"A memory...?" Mitsuji put a hand to the wall and supported his weight on it. "No, not a memory. It was just my imagination."

The arrancar sighed once more and slid down to sit in the tub. He didn't want to be thinking about Ichigo. He tried to direct his thoughts back to Grimmjow, the one he was sure he loved, but they all went back to the shinigami. He began to think about last night and how he'd thought of the kid as Grimmjow pleasured him. That was the best he'd ever felt when they did it and he came thinking about the stupid brat. If Grimmjow knew that then that shinigami's life would surely end.

Thinking about Ichigo like _that _again made Mitsuji's cheeks flush but not for long as his blood began flowing somewhere else. The arrancar groaned as his erection laid across his abdomen now. He hated the thought of getting excited over Ichigo again but found he couldn't help it.

Thoughts from the previous night flooded in as he grabbed his semi-hard member. Thoughts of Ichigo on him, in him, surrounding him, sucking him... Mitsuji began stroking quickly and made short work of it. He imagined his hands on Ichigo and vice versa. He came once and continued until he came again before relaxing in the hot spray with a sigh.

"This can't be healthy." Mitsuji muttered as he watched his mess disappear in the shower's spray. He briefly wondered if Ichigo was okay.

-/-/-/-

Ichigo was the farthest thing from okay. The poor shinigami boy thought he couldn't possibly suffer more but he was wrong.

When Grimmjow came in, Ichigo thought nothing of it. He didn't even watch him with a weary eye. Instead he sat on the bed and looked down at his hands as always. He was use to Mitsuji taking his seat by the door and then not saying anything. It was naive to think Grimmjow would do the same.

"Hey, Ichigo ol' pal." Grimmjow had sneered as he grabbed Ichigo by the front of his shihakushō. "You remember me, right?"

"Grimmjow?" Ichigo has squeaked and gulped audibly.

"Yeah, so you do remember me. Good thing too. I have a whole mess of payback to extract from you." Grimmjow grinned sickly. Ichigo cringed and tried to push him away but Grimmjow was too strong. "Sparing my life is the worst mistake you could have ever made in your life, _human_. You're gonna wish I were dead when I'm done with ya."

Ichigo struggled and tried to kick but Grimmjow restrained his arms and legs. "Stop it!" Ichigo demanded. "Let go, damn it!"

"Ha!" Grimmjow laughed as he punched the boy in the face, silencing him. "Do you honestly think I'll stop because you ask me to? What a laugh!" Again Grimmjow punched Ichigo in the face.

The espada was reminded of the first time they'd fought and he'd wiped the floor with Ichigo without his zanpakutō. The brat had become his own personal punching bag. He laughed as he recalled how the kid was half dead and bloody when he'd gotten through with him.

Again he punched the defenseless boy before grabbing him by the hair and dragging him up to look him in the eye. "There's nothing you can do this time kid! Without your sword, you're useless! I doubt you even have enough strength for that bull shit mask of yours!"

Ichigo whimpered because Grimmjow was right. He didn't know any kidō spells and he couldn't fight his way out. He hadn't heard Zangetsu or his Hollow's voice even sense he'd come here. They were sealed off away from him and out of reach. Tears sprung to Ichigo's eyes but he did not cry.

"Gettin' teary-eyes Ichigo?" Grimmjow laughed. "Let me guess, you're thinking of Mitsuji?"

Ichigo's eyes grew wide and he gaped, blood dribbling out. He was doing his best to not think of Mitsuji all night. He didn't want to hear his name let alone think about him. Mitsuji hated him now. He would never come close to Ichigo again and all hopes of reaching Renji were lost. "No... I wasn't-"

"Yes you were. You're in love with that Renji prick and now you're all eyes for Mitsuji. Well let me tell you something, _brat_." Grimmjow flipped Ichigo over and drew his sword. Ichigo's heart rate increased and he started to thrash again.

"Stop, Grimmjow! Let me go, damn it! Let me go!" Fear became evident in Ichigo's voice.

Suddenly Grimmjow was in his ear, making Ichigo's stomach flop. The boy's breathing hitched as the blade began to poke into his back. Nothing Grimmjow did hurt more then the next thing he said.

"Your Renji is gone and he's never coming back."

The tears in Ichigo's eyes spilled over as he hung his head. "You're wrong." He growled. "Renji is still alive."

"You mean in Mitsuji?" Grimmjow laughed and slashed a long mark down the substitutes back. Ichigo cried out in pain and Grimmjow did it again. "You're dumber than fuck to believe Mitsuji would ever join up with you. He doesn't buy into that shit you feed him, dumb ass."

"L-Liar..." Ichigo sobbed. "He's Renji... H-He'll come back."

"And what if he does?" Grimmjow smirked. "He just might hate you like Mitsuji does. After all, he's seen how pathetic your gay ass is now. He may never talk to you again."

"No!" Ichigo shook his head. "Renji wouldn't do that! Renji is a good-_augh_!"

Another slash across Ichigo's back cut him off. Grimmjow slashed two more times before flipping Ichigo over onto his back again. "You talk to much." He sneered. "I don't want to hear anything else out of you but screams, whore."

Grimmjow secured Ichigo's shackles before slashing his chest down the middle the match the scar he had on his own chest. Ichigo cried again but refused to scream. Grimmjow put the sword down with a clang on the floor and untied Ichigo's sash. The boy's eyes grew wide but he had no energy left to try and fight back.

"I'll make you scream, whore, and I'm sure you wont like it." He licked the tears from Ichigo's face, making the boy shudder. "I'll be sure to tell Mitsuji just what a good little fuck you are."

-/-/-/-

"Do you recognize our surroundings Rukia-san?"

Rukia looked around the barren desert waste land of Hueco Mundo and concentrated. "I faintly feel Ichigo's reiatsu coming from the north." She said, turning direction. "It's weak but still there. I also feel... that altered reiatsu of Renji's but it's very faint. If we follow it then we should get to Las Noches in two to three days."

"Three days?!" Rikichi exclaimed. "But that's too long! They could die by then!"

"We don't have any other choice." Hitsugaya stated bluntly. "That Hollow called Bawrabawra was exterminated during the last battle here. It was their mode of transportation the last time Kuchiki-san and the rest." The small capitan ran a hand through his hair. "And you nor Yamada-san can use shunpo so we have to walk."

Rikichi looked at his capitan who looked at him, expression unchanging. "He is correct, boy. The more time we spend talking, the more time is waisted. We should begin moving."

Rikichi hung his head but Hanataro put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, Rikichi-san. We'll make it there in time. Inoue-san is there too, don't forget. She wont let them die."

"Right." Rikichi looked at Rukia and she nodded too. "Lets go then."

"Finally! Last one there has to face me!" Zaraki took off running with a fool's grin.

"Wait, Zaraki-taichou!" Ukitake called out. "You don't know where you're going! You'll get lost!"

"Ah, let him run off. Byakuya is on his tail anyway." Kyoraku grinned. They all looked around to find that the capitan of squad six had indeed disappeared. "Guess he didn't want to face Kenpachi on top of all those Arrancar."

"What? Hey! Nii-sama wait for us!" Rukia took off after her brother and Ukitake sighed.

"Is this a rescue mission or a game of tag?"

-/-/-/-

Hours seemed to stretch into days as Ichigo lay bloody and beaten. After Grimmjow finished for the day, he left him covered in blood and cum. He was sure he would bleed to death but another medic arrancar came and bandaged him soundlessly. They did nothing to relieve the pain, though.

Ichigo had stopped crying long before. Now he was just a hollow broken shell of a person left to his own devices. Every word Grimmjow said repeated in his mind and cut him to the bone. The torture and rape hadn't hurt nearly as much as the truth.

"Renji..." Ichigo called out to the empty room. "You can't be really gone... can you?"

Of course there was no reply. There would never be a reply. No matter how long he laid there and wished, or hoped, there would never be a reply. Grimmjow was right when he said Renji was gone.

Tears sprung to Ichigo's eyes for the hundredth time. He slowly closed his eyes. Slowly thoughts of Renji began to flood him. He remembered his eyes, his laugh, his cocky grin, and everything else there was to Renji. He felt warm for a moment, surrounded in memories of a happier time. Then came fantasies that were so real he almost thought they were memories. They were nothing too intimate, only happy. Things like Renji touching his cheek or smoothing his hair or holding him. He imagined, like so many times before, what is would be like even to just hug him close. He would never know now though.

A sob broke through Ichigo as the door opened, making him open his eyes. The light from the hall was too bright for his tired eyes so he instantly closed them again. Someone stepped in, blocking the light a little. Ichigo squinted up at them and realized he must have been hallucinating.

He saw Renji walking towards him with that soft grin of his on his face. Ichigo could have swore he thought he felt his hair be smoothed back. He looked up at the hallucination blankly. He was too tired to muster up any more words.

The hand on his head was cool and soothing and soon lulled him to sleep. His eyes closed to an imaginary image of Renji that he could barely see. His peaceful sleep didn't last long though.

-/-/-/-

Mitsuji woke early for once this morning. It was long before mostly anyone woke up, he was sure. He didn't really have a specific place he was headed. He just felt like he needed to clear his head and a walk was the best thing for it.

He didn't sleep at Grimmjow's that night. He hadn't seen the sixth Espada since yesterday. Mitsuji had stopped by Grimmjow's place this morning but he wasn't there. It was odd not seeing him for so long after one of their escapades but he knew he'd show up sooner or latter. Grimmjow must have a lot of things on his mind too.

Before he knew it, he was at the room Ichigo was being held in. He wasn't paying attention to were he was going and his feet must have instinctively lead him here. Mitsuji sighed and walked up to the door, knuckles raised and ready to knock. He bit his lip and groaned.

"What am I doing here? This is so stupid." He whispered. Just as he did, a cry could be heard from beyond the door.

Without thinking, he opened the door swiftly. He was not prepared for the sight that greeted him.

It was no wonder Grimmjow wasn't at his place this morning. The Espada stopped the long slice across Ichigo's abdomen to look up at him and grin. "Mitsuji, hey." Ichigo opened his shut eyes at the name and looked over at the stunned redhead.

"Wh-What the hell, Grimmjow?!" Mitsuji marched in the room and slammed the door. "What are you doing?!" He grabbed Grimmjow's shoulder.

"Huh? What do you mean 'what am I doing'?" Grimmjow played coy.

Mitsuji growled, anger rising. "You know what I mean, dumb ass! What possessed you to... do _this_?!" He motioned to Ichigo who was still looking at him.

"Possessed?" Grimmjow shook his head. " Mitsuji, Mitsuji, Mitsuji... You're the one that wanted this, remember?"

Mitsuji gasped and glared at him. "I did not! I never asked for such a thing!"

"You told me you hate him. How could you forget? It's not like it was too long ago. You were practically begging me to get back at him." Grimmjow sneered as he waved his blade in his other hand. He let it slip over Ichigo's leg, leaving a long gash. Ichigo cried out and Mitsuji cringed.

"Stop it!" The redhead punched Grimmjow with all he could muster and pulled him away from Ichigo. They all were silent for a moment as Grimmjow wiped blood away from his mouth and Ichigo gawked. Mitsuji looked down at his fist, stunned. Did he really just hit Grimmjow? Did he really do it for Ichigo? What was wrong with him?

Grimmjow "hmph"ed and urned his back on Mitsuji. "I see where your true loyalties lie now." He grimaced.

"Uh... Grimmjow..."

"Don't bother." Without another word Grimmjow left leaving Mitsuji and Ichigo staring at his retreating back.

-/-/-/-

"Are we... almost there yet...?" Hanataro asked, gasping for breath. They had been walking non-stop now for what felt like forever. Byakuya and Zaraki had stopped their competition awhile back and now walked with the others to Rukia's relief.

"Las Noches is within' view now so we should be there in another day. Hang in there Hanataro, we're almost there." Rukia puffed.

"Can't we rest?" The medic complained. "Just for a little while."

"No." Rikichi sighed, carrying on through the heavy sand. "We have to keep going. No stopping. Renji-san and Kurosaki-san need us."

"That's true Rikichi-san but resting for a few moments wont hurt our time." Ukitake said, stopping. "Hanataro can heal our sore feet so we can get there faster and more-"

"No! You guys can stop but I'm still going! Catch up with me latter!" Rikichi continued to tread on much to the other's dismay.

"Rikichi!" Rukia called after him. "Rikichi, get back here!"

The unseated officer continued on silently so Byakuya took a step forward. "Boy, I order you as your capitan to return immediately."

Rikichi paused and waved over his shoulder. "Sorry Kuchiki-taichou." He grinned like Renji would. "You can get made at me back in soul society."

Byakuya was ready to shunpo in front of his subordinate when the ground began to shake beneath them. Rikichi stopped and looked at the sand that began to form an odd ring about a foot in front of him.

Rukia recognized it once the sand began to form a whirlpool. "Rikichi!" She shouted. "Jump back now!" but before he could make it or even register her words, he found himself being sucked in.

"Rikichi!"

They all jumped to action but it was too late. Rikichi found himself, moments latter, in the hands of a hollow.

-/-/-/-

**A/N:** There! Another chapter! I spent my weekend writing this so it's un-beta-ed. I also only have Open Office so there is no grammar correcting error-like thing... and there's a really bad spell check... but at least I got this out!

Hey, does anyone watch Transformers? My favorite one is Transformers: Armada. 8D I love the Starscream in that one! Starscream FTW! If I hade a dog I think I'd name him after him... but anyway...

REVIEW!!!

Kitaide


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